Deep Surrendering: Episode Four Read online

  “I like that. And then when you get back, we can have a reunion. It’ll be like a conjugal visit.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

  “Now that I like. And perhaps during our video chats, you might give me a glimpse of what I’ll be missing?”

  I gasped and pretended to be shocked. “Fin! I would never participate in such depravity.” I was totally kidding.

  “You wouldn’t? You wouldn’t touch yourself for me?”

  “Nope. Don’t do that. Ever.” I kept my face completely serious.

  He raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You’re telling me you don’t masturbate?”

  “No, what’s that?” I was really laying it on thick.

  “Either you’re a good actress or you’re messing with me.”

  He was definitely confused. This was fun.

  “Yes, Fin. I’m screwing with you. Yes, I screw with myself. Doesn’t everyone?” I laughed and he glared at me.

  “You’d be surprised.”

  “Do you?” Just imagining him getting himself off made me want to get myself off.

  “Not very often. I like other options.”

  Interesting. You’d think someone who’s a sexual control freak would be all over that. Getting yourself off was the ultimate control.

  “Would you do it for me?”

  “We’ll see. I haven’t left yet.”

  I made a sound of disgust. “I hate talking about you leaving, but I know we need to. Necessary evil. Like doing taxes and getting a physical.” Speaking of that, I needed to see my gyno and update my birth control prescription.

  “It’s only two months. Eight weeks. About sixty days. You’ll be so busy with school and charity events and your friends that you won’t even notice I’m gone.” That was complete shit and he knew it.

  “And you’ll be so busy with meetings and client dinners and other fabulous things.” Our eyes met, and we both knew what the other was thinking about.

  “I’m not going to. While I’m gone.” He didn’t need to tell me what he wasn’t going to. I knew.

  “I’m conflicted. Obviously I don’t want you to, but I can’t make that kind of demand on you. We’ve been seeing each other such a short time and it’s not fair to you to make you change your entire life for me. But I want to ask you to. Because I’m selfish like that,” I said.

  I wrinkled my nose at him.

  “You can be selfish. It’s not a crime. God knows I’ve been. Every moment with you has been completely selfish. Asking you to keep this going is selfish,” he said. Not exactly. It wasn’t like I wasn’t getting anything out of it. This was working in both our favors.

  “Fine. Then we can be selfish together. Apart. But together,” I said.

  He took my hand and brushed a kiss across the back of my knuckles. “I promise you that I won’t be with anyone while I’m gone. I’ll wait for you.” God, I almost wished he hadn’t promised me. That was an awful lot to ask of him. “Will you promise me the same?”

  “Of course,” I said without thinking. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I didn’t want anyone else like this. Just him.

  “I promise I won’t be with anyone but you.”

  Promises made. It was the keeping them that would be the harder part. I had faith in him and I believed in us. In what we had and what we could build.

  I yawned. Even with the nap, I was still exhausted from the vigorous sex.

  “Go to sleep, Mari Cherry. You’ve earned it.”

  I was about to close my eyes for the night when I remembered something. “Oh, there’s a stack of books next to the bed for you. There’s a variety, so you can pick and choose. Or you can take anything from my shelves.” I had a small bookshelf in my bedroom for my favorites, and a larger one out in the living room.

  “You think of everything,” he said, picking the top book off the stack. When I said “variety,” I meant it. Everything from romance to sci-fi, to young adult contemporary. The one he picked up first was a heavy young adult about a girl who’d been raped. I figured he could skip it if it was too much for him to take, but he read the back and then opened to the first page.

  “Don’t you want to change your clothes or something?” He always kept an overnight bag in his Town Car and he’d brought it up with him. “I mean, I kind of ruined your shirt.” I should probably offer to buy him a new one. You’d think that companies would test their fabrics against fingernails.

  “I’m fine. Stop worrying about me. Go to sleep. I’ll manage.” I was fussing, but I wanted him to have everything he needed.

  “Fine, fine. But don’t say I didn’t ask.” I closed my eyes, and he put his arm around me, The beat of his heart and the scrape of the pages turning lulled me to sleep.

  Sore was an understatement for how I felt the next day. It was like I’d had an intense workout, which I guessed I had. Not to mention the bruises that greeted me when I opened my eyes. I slept naked, too tired to put my night things back on.

  “Ow,” I said, sitting up. Fin was in the same position I’d left him in last night, just with a different book.

  “Do you ever sleep?”

  “I doze. I guess I’m just one of those people who can function on only a few hours.” And still look amazing. Whereas I knew my hair was all over the place and my mouth tasted like ass.

  “I need a shower,” I said, trying to smooth my hair.

  “Go ahead. I’ll grab one after you’re done.”

  “No ambushing me this time?” I asked, half-joking and half-serious.

  “Not this time. I wouldn’t do that again. Promise.” His eyes flicked up at me for a moment but went back to his book as I headed to the shower.

  Either the sex really had been rough, or I bruised easily. In addition to the marks on my thighs from him thrusting into me, I had some marks on my arms from him holding me. If someone didn’t know better, they would think I’d been beat up.

  Hopefully most of the marks would fade soon. At least they were in places I could cover with clothing.

  I was seriously flirting with the idea of asking Fin if I could come to work with him and just hide under his desk if anyone came into the room. I was also plotting to find out his itinerary so I could surprise him at the airport. I couldn’t imagine not being there to say goodbye to him before he went through security. He could do what he wanted to try and stop me, but I was going to be there. If I had to put Carl in a headlock or pay him to get the information, I’d do it.

  I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my head and body, and went to check on Fin. He was still reading, lost to the world the author had created on the page. I watched him for a moment, leaning against the open door and letting the steam escape from the bathroom.

  “I can feel you watching me,” he said, not lifting his eyes from the book. “It’s rude to stare.”

  “Yeah, well, it’s rude to travel without telling the girl you’re sleeping with when you’re leaving so she can give you a proper goodbye.” I climbed onto the bed and crossed my arms.

  He put his finger in the book to mark his place and looked at me. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you like that. We really shouldn’t say goodbye, you know. Because it’s not. I’ll see you on the internet.”

  “It’s not the same.” I knew I was whining, and there were far worse things I could be going through. He could have wanted to end this altogether. That would be awful. I had to count my blessings here.

  “I know. But I just … I just don’t want you there. I’m sorry.”

  I wanted to respect that. I probably should. There was clearly a reason why he didn’t want me to go.

  “Do you really not want me there?”

  “It would be for the best, Marisol.”

  “Okay, fine. I won’t go. It sucks, but if that’s what you want. But, that means you need to do something for me.” Maybe this could work out in my favor after all.

  “Now I’m in trouble,” he said.

  “Would you maybe consider playing hooky
and spending the day with me? Or at least meeting me for lunch? And going out or spending the night with me?” The countdown had started and I wanted to see him as much as possible.

  I had this irrational fear that he’d leave and I’d somehow forget him. Silly, considering I was going to see him on video. What if the chemistry went away with him? What if all this was a flash in the pan and it fizzled out?

  “I can’t spend the day with you. I wish I could. I’d do everything in my power to make that happen, but it’s out of my hands. I can, however, have lunch with you, and tonight’s date is a given. There was never any question of that. I shall be exclusively yours as soon as I’m out of work.”

  “Hm. What shall I do with you when you’re mine?” I tapped my chin and pretended to think deeply about it.

  “I’m sure you’ll come up with something,” he said with a wink as he grabbed his overnight bag and headed to the bathroom.

  “Have a good day at work, dear,” I said, giving him a peck on the cheek when Carl dropped him off at his office building. Fin had to be at work much earlier than I had to be in class, so I still had time to get some breakfast.

  “I’ll see you at twelve-thirty?”

  “On the dot.” He gave me one last hard kiss goodbye, and I almost didn’t let him go.

  “Bye.”

  “Bye, Mari Cherry.” He waved to the car as we pulled away.

  “I’m going to miss him too, Miss Marisol,” Carl said, startling me. He was so quiet sometimes I forgot he was there.

  “Oh, do you not travel with him?”

  “No. I stay here and work for the elder Mr. Herald.” Boy, that must be a good time. I almost said something to that effect but kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want anything getting back to Fin’s dad.

  Carl cleared his throat and asked me where I wanted to stop for breakfast. I directed him to the nearest little café that served really good scones. It was a scone kind of morning.

  “Don’t worry, Miss Marisol. He’s not going to forget about you.” I looked up from my shirt, which I’d been wiping scone crumbs from, feeling bad that Carl was probably going to have to clean up after I left.

  “I know.”

  “I’ve known Fin for most of his life, and I have to say that I’ve never seen him this … settled. Calm. He has a tendency to be …”

  “A psychotic control freak,” I supplied.

  “I wouldn’t quite put it that way, but something along those lines. He seems balanced now. Even. I always wondered what it would take. Or who it would take.” I blushed under the praise.

  “We’ve only known each other a short time, and who knows what’s going to happen? I wouldn’t start ringing wedding bells yet.” Something told me Fin wasn’t the marriage type anyway.

  Carl just gave me one of those wise looks and started humming as I finished my scone.

  I counted down the hours and then the minutes I had to wait until my lunch with Fin. I couldn’t get him out of my head, and the fact that my body still ached a little was a constant reminder of the night before.

  My brain was so distracted that I got called out by one of my professors in front of the entire class and wanted to die on the spot. I was usually a model student, so I’d been able to avoid scrutiny for the most part.

  I had Fin on the brain, but there was nothing I could do about it. I even tried to kill some of the time before our lunch date by getting started on some research in the library, but I found myself wanting to Google Fin. The idea had occurred to me before, but it felt like an invasion of privacy, and just an all-around creepy thing to do.

  The cursor blinked in the search box and I typed the first three letters of his name before hitting the backspace button. No. I wouldn’t be that weird girl who Googled her man. He wasn’t even technically my man. Sure, he said he wouldn’t have sex with anyone else while he was gone, but that didn’t make him my boyfriend. We still hadn’t defined what we were doing. And until he came out and called himself my boyfriend, I didn’t have an actual claim on him.

  No, I wasn’t going to get into that headspace. There was plenty of time to wallow in misery after he left.

  So, eager to see him, I showed up for our date twenty minutes early and sat at the table playing with my napkin and drinking too much water.

  Fin showed up right on time, and grinned wide when he spotted me.

  I stood up to embrace him, and he presented me with another sprig of lilacs. I hugged him for a long time. I didn’t know how many hugs I had before he left, and I wanted to make each one count.

  “I got here really early,” I said sheepishly, pointing to the empty pitcher of water next to my glass. I was going to have to pee like hell later.

  “I would have been here sooner, but I got tied up with work. Too much to do and not enough time to do it in.”

  “Welcome to life, Fin Herald.”

  “Thank you.” He reached for me across the table and I stood halfway up so we could kiss. The hostess (already fed up with me) cleared her throat and we broke apart. Once she saw Fin, though, she changed her tune. I was used to this happening when people saw him. It wasn’t just women he affected. It was everyone.

  We ordered drinks and then tried to decide what we wanted to eat. I was deciding between a soup and salad or a sandwich and soup when something started moving up my leg.

  “Are you trying to play footsie with me, Mr. Herald?” I said, not looking up from my menu.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Miss Everly.” The foot moved even higher. Oh, two could play that game, and I could make things very interesting for him.

  I slipped my heel off and mirrored his movements. His elbow banged on the table, and he made a noise when my foot reached his lap. I laughed and kept going, glad the tablecloths reached all the way to the floor. Not that I would have minded some of the other people seeing what I was doing. The idea of doing something naughty in public kind of turned me on.

  “Having a hard time?” I said innocently.

  “You are pushing your limits, Miss Everly. I might have to take you somewhere and teach you a lesson.” If that was supposed to deter me from my current course of action, it only made me want to do it more.

  I curled my toes and stroked him hard. It wasn’t easy with the way I was sitting, so I had to lean back in my chair to stretch my leg to hit the right place.

  Fin closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m enjoying this way too much,” I said as his hands clenched hard on the menu. I could feel how well this was working on him. I kind of wished we could sit next to each other so I could give him a handy under the table. Now that would be something.

  Finally, he’d had enough. Probably didn’t want to ruin his pants. He grabbed my ankle and squeezed.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll stop. But it was fun while it lasted.”

  “Fun for you, maybe. Now I have to go back to the office with a raging case of letdown, if you know what I mean.”

  I nodded. “Feeling a little blue?” He just glared, and the waitress chose that moment to come over with our drinks.

  I hid a smile behind my hand as she set down my mojito and Fin’s whiskey sour, but we composed ourselves enough to order.

  “And I thought I’d be the bad influence on you, Miss Everly.”

  I winked at him and crossed my legs. “I guess you just bring it out in me.” He brought out a lot of things in me. Things I didn’t know were inside me.

  “Naughty girl.”

  I sighed heavily. “You should probably punish me tonight.”

  He lowered his voice and leaned in. I recognized the look in his eyes, and it made a shiver go down my spine and certain areas of my body tingle in anticipation.

  “I’m going to do a lot of things to you tonight. I want to leave a lasting impression. So you won’t forget me.”

  God, I almost climaxed just hearing about it.

  “Looking forward to it. And may I say I have similar plans for you.
”

  “I, too, am looking forward to this evening. I hope you’re feeling … open.”

  “Wide open,” I said. Fin’s eyes flicked over my shoulder, and then he crooked his finger for me to lean in further.

  “That woman behind you is totally eavesdropping on our conversation. Should we mess with her?”

  “Hell yes.”

  Fin sat back and I did the same.

  “So I’ve got the chains all oiled and ready in the dungeon. Oh, and I’ve got the key so you won’t get stuck up there like last time,” he said in a conversational tone. He was so bad. I wished I could see the woman’s reaction.

  “Oh, good. I think my wrists and ankles are still sore. Master.” I added the last part and he grinned.

  “You’re such a good little submissive. Which flogger would you like me to use tonight? Ladies’ choice.” How many kinds of floggers were there? I was a little deficient in my flogger knowledge. Maybe I should have Googled that.

  “Oh, I like whatever you pick, Master. I only live to serve you.” Unable to resist looking, I said, “I wonder where the bathroom is,” and looked over my shoulder and came face to face with a woman about my mother’s age. She had a look of horror on her face, and I gave her a quick smile before turning back around.

  “That was so worth it,” I whispered to Fin, and sipped my drink.

  “Absolutely.” He raised his glass and clinked it with mine.

  “So I’ll pick you up at six?” Fin said while I got out of the Town Car as Carl dropped me back off at school.

  “Yes. Can’t wait.” Instead of spending our last precious hours in public, we’d mutually decided to spend it at his place. He was going to order a bunch of food and we were going to watch a movie, though I didn’t know if the movie would happen. I could barely keep my hands off him now.

  “See you later, Mari Cherry. Hope you’re ready.”

  I just kissed him goodbye and headed off to my next class.