Deep Surrendering: Episode Seven Read online

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Titlepage

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Books by Chelsea M. Cameron

  Deep Surrenderings, Episode 7

  Copyright © 2014 Chelsea M. Cameron

  www.chelseamcameron.com

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are use fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. All rights reserved.

  Cover Copyright © Chelsea M. Cameron

  Edited by GreatImaginations.com

  Interior Design by NovelNinjutsu.com

  My mouth gaped and I couldn’t breathe for a second. “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked. It was a logical question because he was supposed to be in Germany. Not here. Not standing in the doorway of his apartment looking disheveled with dark circles under his eyes.

  “I had to see you,” he said in a cracked voice that was so desperate, it nearly broke my heart. He almost sounded like he was going to cry.

  “I had to see you,” he said again, but didn’t move, like he wasn’t sure if I was real. I wasn’t sure if he was real at the moment either.

  Unable to think about what I should say, I just opened my arms and he stumbled into them. He looked so worn out and exhausted, I wondered if he used his own arms to fly here.

  He lowered his head and exhaled, melting into me.

  “Are you real?” he said into my hair.

  “I think so. Are you sure I’m not still asleep? I did just wake up,” I said, running my hands up and down his back. He trembled a bit in my arms. I’d never seen him this broken down.

  “Should I pinch you?” he asked, and I smiled. He was still in there.

  “Maybe. Just to be sure.” And of course he didn’t pinch me on the shoulder or the arm. He pinched my ass.

  I yelped and jumped a little in surprise.

  “I think I’m awake,” I said.

  “But maybe I should do it again, just to be sure,” he said, and I held on to him tighter. He was here. And we were still standing in the doorway. I started walking backwards, dragging him with me until we were inside. He shut the door behind us with a slam.

  “I just . . .” I didn’t have words. I was elated to see him, but I didn’t know what to think. Fin pulled back so he could see my face.

  “Are you happy to see me?” A hint of doubt rippled through him, and I shook my head.

  “Yes, of course! It’s just shocking. I think I’m still trying to figure out how it happened.” I ran my hands up and down his arms. I’d missed these arms. And the rest of him.

  “Well, I got on a plane and now I’m here. Simple as that.” He raised one shoulder in a shrug, but I knew it couldn’t be that simple.

  “What about your dad?” I whispered it as if the mere mention of his father would cause him to appear in front of us and ruin the whole thing.

  He took one finger and put it to my lips.

  “Shh, I don’t want to talk about him. I want to take you to bed and never let you leave.” Well, that sounded . . . I think I could live with that. A bolt of pleasure shot through me. No longer would I have to be on the webcam. This was so much better.

  “I have class,” I said around his fingers. He groaned in frustration. “I’d skip, but they’re both exams.” There was absolutely no way I could miss them, barring loss of one of my limbs or a death in the family.

  I watched his inner battle. God, this was bad timing. If he’d only waited until tomorrow, I would have been his.

  “But you could come with me and hang out with me when I’m done.” The suggestion sounded so juvenile I nearly cringed. Why not ask him to carry my books while I was at it?

  “Sorry, that was lame,” I said when he didn’t respond. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “No! No, I’d love to do that,” he said, taking both of my hands in his. “I’d like to see your world.” My world?

  “Haven’t you ever seen a college before?” I said with a little bit of a laugh.

  “Well, yes. I took a tour once.” Hold up, what?

  “You didn’t go to college?” I didn’t care either way, but I guess I just assumed that he had.

  He shook his head slowly. “My father wanted me to start working for the company right away. In case anyone asks, I have a paper diploma, paid for by him. But I never actually attended any sort of college or university.” Whoa. That was . . . I had no idea how to even start thinking about that. But what I did know was that I had to start getting ready ASAP. And then I realized I hadn’t even kissed him yet.

  I ran my hand up his arm and around to cup the back of his neck, drawing him down toward my mouth.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said before I kissed him softly. He hesitated for a brief moment and then kissed me back, holding me close and breathing me in. I tasted his mouth and smelled his skin, and it was as if everything fell into place and made sense.

  Since he’d been gone, I’d felt . . . off-balance. Like something was missing. You know that feeling you get when you leave the house to go somewhere and you know you’ve forgotten something, but you can’t figure out what it is? I’d been missing him in my life.

  I opened my mouth for him and his tongue invaded. My blood ran hotter as he dominated the kiss. I’d missed my control.

  I heard some strange sounds and then realized they were coming from me. I was begging and gasping and had my leg wrapped around him and my hands in his hair. I was practically climbing him like a tree.

  I broke the kiss with monumental effort. My eyes were blurry for a second, and if he hadn’t been holding on to me, I might have fallen over.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hello, Marisol.”

  I had to rush to get ready, and I spent half the time talking to (and kissing) Fin. We’d talked every day, but it was a whole different thing, actually having him here with me.

  I decided to forgo a shower so I could talk to him more, so I twisted my hair back so no one would notice it was a little grungy.

  “Are you ready for your exams?” he asked as we rode the elevator down to the first floor. I knew without even looking that Carl would be waiting outside to take us to campus.

  “Yeah. I’ve had a lot of spare time, and I needed the mental distraction so I went overboard on the studying. If that’s a thing.” You could definitely study too much. I’d done it before. Drive yourself crazy doing that.

  I wished we could have walked hand in hand to campus, but it was way too far and I was cutting it close as it was.

  “Have you eaten anything lately?” I asked. How had I not noticed that his face had gotten thinner since he’d left? Did I just not want to see it? I reached up and traced the blue curves under his eyes. He was an insomniac by nature, but something told me he’d not been sleeping well for a while.

  “I’ll have something with you later,” he said, taking my hand away from his face and kissing my palm. He was trying to distract me, and I wasn’t going to let him. I was practically in his lap in the backseat of the car, touching him in as many places as possible. Well, except for that place. If I did, I knew for a fact I’d never make it to my e
xams.

  “Are you sure? You look pale.” He leaned down and kissed me, which effectively shut me up for the time being. But I was persistent. I wasn’t going to let this go.

  Fin situated himself in the little lounge down the hall from where I had my first exam.

  “Good luck, Marisol,” he said, giving me a kiss. “Knock ‘em dead.” I gave him two thumbs up and headed into the room. I glanced back once and he was staring out the window, looking lost and exhausted. What was going on with him? I’d have to find out later.

  I walked in and situated myself at a desk. Unlike most days, the room was full of students, some I didn’t recognize because they were rarely in class. Exams and test booklets were handed out and I got to work, but my mind never strayed far from Fin.

  The test was somewhat easy if you studied the material. I was one of the first who finished, and I handed in my booklet and exam as soon as I was sure I had picked the best answers and hit all the points I needed to with my essay questions. Confident I aced it, I left the room and walked down to the study area, ready to throw myself at Fin and then force him to go eat something with me before my next exam in a half hour.

  He was on the phone, so I hung back, trying to give him some privacy. Whoever he was talking to was obviously giving him a hard time. His back was rigid, and he was speaking in staccato bursts. Finally he took the phone away from his ear and sat down in one of the chairs, putting his head in his hands. Something was wrong.

  “I’m done,” I said tentatively.

  His head snapped up and it took him a second to recognize me. His eyes focused and he put a smile on his face that wasn’t genuine but just for my benefit.

  “How did it go?” He stood and I automatically walked into his arms. I pulled him close, wishing there was something I could do to fix him. To mend what was broken inside.

  But he’d have to do that. Ultimately, when we were broken, we had to fix ourselves. Others could help us along the way, inspire us, but we had to do the work.

  “Fine. Let’s go eat. I’m starving.” Maybe if I ate, he’d eat with me. He took my hand and I led him to the nearest café.

  “Everything okay?” I asked as we walked. He might be right here with me physically, but he wasn’t here with me mentally.

  I had to tug on his hand to get him to answer me.

  “Hey, come back to me,” I said softly. We stopped walking and I made him face me.

  “I saw you talking on the phone. What’s wrong?” He sighed and rubbed his eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding mine.

  “Just . . . a phone call I didn’t want to get. That’s all. I’m fine.” He was always telling me that. Telling me not to worry, but that wasn’t how this worked. I cared for him, so worrying about him came with the territory. Even if I was just an acquaintance, I’d be worried.

  “Talk to me about it. You’ll feel better.”

  He gave me a grim smile. “Yeah, I’ve heard that line before.”

  I took a step back.

  “That isn’t a line, Fin. What is going on with you? One minute you’re in Germany and having a day of freedom, and the next you’re here and you look like hell and you’re still hiding things from me.” The words spilled out of me and made him tighten his jaw.

  “I can’t do this right now, Marisol,” he said, glancing around at the people who were walking to and from various destinations. Sure, it wasn’t the best place to have a private conversation, but all of these people seemed too wrapped up in their own lives to bother with ours.

  “Please?” I said. I didn’t know what I was saying please to, but I just . . . I needed this from him. I needed him to trust me, to be open with me. Not just about his deep dark secrets, but about everything.

  He got up and walked around the corner. I followed him, thinking that he was just choosing a more private place for us to talk.

  We ended up between two buildings in a dark and cramped space that was barely wide enough to fit both of us. It was pretty gross, too.

  “Fin?” I asked, feeling a little uneasy. He looked at me and . . . oh. Dark Fin was here. Quicker than I could snap my fingers, he’d shut down on me, going to the side that was in control. Self-preservation.

  I had deluded myself into thinking that he was ever going to completely open up to me. There was a war going on inside him and I could only stand and watch.

  “Put your arms above your head,” he commanded. What? I was momentarily confused. He’d never spoken to me this way outside of the bedroom before. I’d stupidly thought that part of him didn’t come outside during the day. But this was just as much a part of him as the dorky guy who bought me lilacs and talked about Tom Hanks.

  Slowly, I raised my hands above my head. I didn’t know exactly what he was going to do, but I had a feeling. Yes, we were in a disgusting and cramped space. But I couldn’t stop my heart from racing or my body from wanting him. It didn’t matter how I got him. I just wanted . . . him.

  So I obeyed his orders, knowing the whole time that all I had to do was say the safeword and this would be over. I wanted to see how far he’d go first. How far I’d let him go.

  “Turn around,” he commanded, and I did. His back pressed me up against the slightly damp bricks. They were cool, but my skin was flushed with heat.

  “I don’t want to talk about it now. Okay?” It wasn’t easy to nod my head, but I did, my cheek scraping against the brick. Good thing I wasn’t claustrophobic, or else this would have been over before it started.

  My breaths came in little gasps as Fin’s hand slipped under my skirt. In hindsight, I hadn’t pictured this when I’d put it on, but it definitely made things easier for him.

  “Do you want me to fuck you right here? Right now? Have you missed me?” Yes, yes, and yes.

  I nodded again. He didn’t have to tell me not to speak. I knew now. I’d learned his rules.

  He chuckled, the sound vibrating against my back as his hand went higher, stroking the outside of my panties, which were covered in a layer of pantyhose. So much for those. His fingers found a seam and started tearing. The delicate sound was the only thing I heard over the sound of my beating heart and Fin’s breath in my ear.

  His fingers tickled me, ever so slightly. Totally teasing. Why was this turning me on? There were people walking feet away from us, and my clothes were getting dirtier and dirtier, and my pantyhose were ruined.

  But as he stroked me, I felt my eyes close and a moan escaped my mouth.

  “Shhh,” he said in my ear, nipping at my earlobe. “Quiet so no one hears you.” He chuckled again and pressed harder against me. Oh yes, he was enjoying this like I was. That much was evident.

  All thoughts of reluctance left my head the second his finger slid under my panties and plunged inside me. I bit my bottom lip to shut myself up, but I was close. His touch, finally on me after what felt like an eternity, had me nearly climaxing after only a few strokes.

  He moved his finger out of me and then thrust back inside so hard I was lifted up on my tiptoes.

  “You like that?” I nodded, my face now completely mashed against the bricks. I could see him in my peripheral vision, his face composed and controlled, his eyes dark with desire. I still wanted to be with him face-to-face, but we’d probably have to wait a while before we tried that again.

  He added another finger, and I moved up and down as he kept his hand still, fucking me with his hand. He groaned in satisfaction.

  I was totally getting off on this. I didn’t care about anything but the feeling of his hand going in and out of me.

  I nearly bit into the brick wall as I came, shuddering around his hand. My shoulders were starting to get sore from being held up, but I didn’t dare drop them.

  Fin removed his hand from me, and I watched as he slowly licked his fingers, making sure I knew exactly what he was doing.

  It just turned me on more.

  “We should go eat,” he said after he removed his fingers from his mouth and stepped back from me. I slum
ped against the wall. I didn’t know how I was going to anywhere. He might have to carry me.

  “You can turn around now and drop your arms.” I did so, my shoulders popping and tingling as they hung at my sides. My clothes were a disaster. I looked like I’d been rubbing up against a brick wall. That was about right.

  I leaned against the brick, using it to bolster me upright. Looking up at him, I held his eyes. Tension and lust buzzed between us, and for a second I thought he was going to shove himself against me and start all over again. An image of me wrapping my legs around him and riding him as the brick scraped against my back and tore up my clothing bloomed in my mind. I wanted it.

  “And you may also speak, Marisol.”

  “What was that for?” Really? That was my first question?

  He snapped his eyes away from me and straightened his jacket. “Sorry about your clothes.”

  I looked down and started brushing myself off, but it couldn’t really be helped. I wished I’d packed a change of clothes. I would have if I’d known. Sometimes I did bring extra clothes if I was going out after class, but I hadn’t today.

  “It’s okay. Fin?” He’d backed away as far as he could in the small space.

  “Yes?”

  “I missed you,” I said.

  His face softened and he gave me a smile. Dark Fin was slowly retreating into the background.

  “I missed you, too.”

  He led the way out of the space between the buildings, standing in front of me so I could brush myself off a little more. I pulled out a wipe from my purse, but it was little help with the embedded dirt and who knows what else on my shirt and skirt. The hole in my pantyhose was at least hidden under my skirt, and I hoped it wouldn’t grow any more than it had.

  In a pinch, I had some clear nail polish in my purse that I could put on it to stop it from getting bigger. Yet another trick I learned from my mother. We might not get along, but she taught me a lot about being a woman.

  When I was as together as I could get, I tapped him on the shoulder and he stepped aside to let me out into the sunshine. I blinked at the brightness.