Deep Surrendering: Episode Ten Read online

  Deep Surrenderings, Episode 10

  Copyright © 2014 Chelsea M. Cameron

  www.chelseamcameron.com

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are use fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. All rights reserved.

  Cover Copyright © Chelsea M. Cameron

  Edited by GreatImaginations.com

  Interior Design by NovelNinjutsu.com

  Somehow, I managed to grab the phone before it hit the floor and died an electronic death. Slowly, I raised it to my ear with a shaking hand.

  “H-hello?” I said, my voice stuttering.

  “Yes, this is Fin’s father. I believe we’ve met before.” His voice was ice cold and the tone made my stomach surge with unpleasantness. This was so, so not good.

  “Uh, yes.” I couldn’t seem to sound like a non-idiot. But nothing could have prepared me for talking with Fin’s father.

  “You used a different name though of course I knew what your real name was. I don’t just let my son wander around doing whatever he wants and seeing whoever he wants.” Oh. I’d been afraid of that, but I wasn’t surprised.

  “Uh huh,” I said, sounding worse by the minute. “What do you want?”

  “I want to know where my son is. He’s been hard at work ever since his little visit to you and now he’s up and vanished. And I’m very good at finding people, Marisol.” I didn’t want my name coming out of his mouth. He didn’t own me. But he owned Fin.

  I took a breath and steeled myself to say all the things I’d wanted to say to him. “Listen, I don’t know where he is and it’s none of your business, actually. He’s a grown ass man. He’s not your slave. He can do what he wants and he’s not going to be held hostage by you anymore. Got it? Fin belongs to no one but himself. And if even I knew where he was, you’d have to kill me before I’d tell you. Fuck off.” My voice wavered at the beginning, but got stronger by the end. It felt good and my body surged with something that felt like power. I didn’t even wait for him to respond before I ended the call.

  The phone rang again, but I didn’t answer it. I wasn’t talking to that asshole. Ever again.

  Now I had to figure out my next move.

  “I’m guessing that was Fin’s father. He’s an asshole,” Sapphire said and I nearly bit my tongue in half in surprise. She’d been so quiet, I’d forgotten she was even here.

  “Yeah. He doesn’t know where Fin is either and he’s none too happy about it.” She shivered, as if from a sudden chill.

  “Sorry, I just have a really bad association with his father.” Oh, right. He’d been the one who had “hired” her as a teenage prostitute for his son’s birthday. Bastard.

  “Yeah, I can’t even imagine,” I said. For some reason, I almost wanted to give her a hug. Almost. But that would be crossing some sort of line that I didn’t really want to cross.

  I couldn’t become friends with her. No way. Being nice to her, or helping her was one thing. But being friends was completely out of the question.

  “Soooo,” Sapphire said (even though I knew her real name, I’d probably always think of her as Sapphire), “what now?”

  “I have absolutely no idea. Wait for Carl or Fin to get back to us.” Us? I didn’t mean to say that. Oh well. We were temporary partners in Operation Find Fin.

  “Are you sure you don’t want something? Coffee maybe?” She took a few steps toward my couch like she was going to sit down, but stopped before she followed through.

  “Um, yeah. Coffee would be great. Do you have cream?” I went to go put the coffee on. It might not be the best idea, since the two of us were already jittery and on-edge, but at least it gave me something to do.

  “Yeah, but it’s French vanilla,” I said, going to the fridge and pulling the container out. Having coffee would now always be associated with Fin. On our first date, we discovered we liked it the same way. It felt like fate then.

  “Oh, that’s my favorite,” she said, still staring at the couch. Guess she was waiting for an invitation.

  “It is?” I asked. What were the chances? Of all the ways to take coffee in the world. And all the people who didn’t even like coffee.

  Sapphire turned around and gave me a puzzled look.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  Huh.

  “You can sit down if you want,” I said, pointing to the couch as I took the coffee pot and filled up in the sink.

  “Oh, thanks.” She sunk into the cushions with a sigh.

  “I’m sure he’s fine,” she said over the rush of the water. I turned it off and gave her what I hoped was a confident smile. Inside, I was shaking worse than Jell-o.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. He’s more than capable of taking care of himself.” Sapphire nodded in agreement. Strange how the two of us were so different, yet both of us were brought together by one man.

  “So, um, how’s work?” I cringed the second the words were out of my mouth. “Sorry, that was totally uncalled for and none of my business.”

  Sapphire laughed.

  “You’re such a prude sometimes. Work is exciting. As always. My clients never cease to surprise me.” She gave me a grin that made her look so much older. How could she do that? Go from looking like she was just barely, if not still, in her teens to looking like some sort of sex goddess come down to earth to instruct humans on the art of seduction.

  “Really? I’d think you would have seen it all. I’m sorry, I can’t seem to stop saying somewhat insulting things.” I got two cups for us and some spoons to stir in the creamer.

  Sapphire threw her head back and laughed again. It was such a sweet and delightful sound.

  “I like you,” she said meeting my eyes. “And no, I haven’t seen it all. I may have been doing this for years, but people still surprise me. I love that about my job.” She almost sounded like she could have been talking about being a teacher. Guess she was. Of a sort.

  I poured the coffee in both cups, leaving room for the creamer and carried them over to the couch with the bottle of creamer under my arm.

  “I wasn’t sure how much you liked, so you can add your own.”

  She kicked off her shoes and curled her feet up under her as she took the cup from me and added a few splashes of creamer before stirring it all together. I did the same and we stared into our cups for a few seconds.

  “So, Marisol, tell me about yourself,” Sapphire said, blowing on her cup and then taking a sip.

  “Oh, um, what do you want to know?” This was awkward, but at least it was something to occupy my mind so it didn’t go crazy worrying about Fin. My phone was on the coffee table between us. Just sitting there. Silent.

  “Whatever. Just start talking.” I didn’t really want to, but I didn’t want to sit here in silence either.

  “Okay, I’m in college still. I can’t seem to find the desire to graduate, so I just keep getting degrees.”

  “In what?” she asked and I sipped my coffee before I answered.

  “Education and business. I think I’d like to be a principal at a charter school or something like that. Something where I’m making a difference instead of being a slave to the messed-up system we currently use.” Don’t even get me started on Common Core. Don’t even.

  “You think? You’re not sure?” I sighed. Now we were getting into the complications of how my brain worked.

  I sighed. What was taking so long for someone to get back to us? I stared at the phone, but it
was dark and silent.

  “Well… I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid that I’ll get into it and it won’t be like I thought it would be and then all of my hard work in school with be for nothing and I’ll end up making sandwiches, or something. Oh, and be in debt up to my eyeballs for the rest of my life.” I didn’t mean to open up to her like that, but there was something about Sapphire that made you trust her. Say things to her that you wouldn’t ordinarily to a stranger. That was probably why she was so good at her job. She could get people to let out their wildest fantasies and feel safe in doing so. I guess that was a sort of therapy.

  “Or maybe you’re just using that as an excuse to never graduate from school and get a big girl job.” Of course, that was really the reason. I was a coward. I blamed some of it on my parents for telling me that going to school was a waste of time, but it wasn’t totally their fault. I had to take a lot of the blame for my inability to be done with school and get a real job.

  “So what if I am? It’s my life. I get to choose how I live it.” I didn’t mean to be defensive, but I’d had the argument with myself so many times I couldn’t even count.

  Sapphire smiled and raised her hands in surrender. She’d finished her coffee and had thoughtfully set the empty cup on a coaster so it wouldn't’ leave a ring on my coffee table.

  “I’m not interrogating you, Marisol. We’re just having a conversation. But clearly that is a touchy subject for you, so why don’t we leave it alone and move on to something else?” I didn’t want to move on to something else. I wanted to know where the fuck Fin was and why no one was calling me.

  I also needed to block the number Mr. Herald had used to get in touch with me. He’d probably just use another phone, but then I’d block that number too. What was he going to do, really? Come to Boston and tie me to a chair and waterboard me?

  Maybe. I wouldn’t put anything past that psycho. But I would never let it get that far. I’d taken some self-defense classes in my undergraduate years and I was thinking now that a Taser might be a good investment. Not just to protect myself from my ex-boyfriend’s insane father, but to protect me from random creeps on the street. Boston might not be the Bronx, but there were still bad parts of the city where you had to be careful.

  “Marisol?” I realized Sapphire had been calling my name for a few seconds. Oops. I’d zoned out and had gotten tangled up in my own thoughts.

  “Sorry. Just thinking. What’s taking them so long?” I wanted to get up and do something. Pace around, or… something.

  “Relax. Worrying isn’t going to anyone any good, okay? We just have to wait. Right now, no news is good news.” She did have a point. But this no news was screwing with my head.

  “I’m sorry, I have this habit of thinking the worst is happening when it comes to Fin. He’s just so unreal that I always think something is going to take him out of my life because he doesn’t make sense being in it in the first place.” Oops. I didn’t mean to say that either. Was Sapphire a witch?

  But she just smiled as if she knew exactly what I was talking about.

  “Exactly,” she said and we both shared a moment of understanding. Neither of us needed to say anything else. We just knew.

  And then the phone finally rang again.

  I scrambled to get it, tipping completely off the couch and onto the floor as I stretched out my arm to nab the phone. I didn’t even take a moment to register the pain as I slammed into the floor.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello Marisol.” The relief at hearing his voice was so intense, I thought I would drown in it. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Oh my God, Fin,” I was finally able to say. Without even thinking, I reached out and grabbed onto Sapphire. She let me crush her hand in mine and leaned forward, her face turning from amused to worried as soon as she knew I was talking to him.

  “Oh, my love. I’m so sorry,” he said. I didn’t care if we were broken up. I just wanted him to be okay.

  “Where are you?” My voice was oddly steady. As if I finally found a focus in his voice and it steadied me. Grounded me.

  “I can’t tell you that, I’m afraid. I assume you’ve spoken to my father.” My blood chilled to ice at the mention of his father.

  “Yes. I might have given him a piece of my mind.” He chuckled softly and I figured he couldn’t be in much danger if he was able to laugh.

  “That’s my girl,” he said. Even though I wasn’t his girl anymore. It didn’t matter. A part of me would always belong to him.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not mine,” he said, his voice going low and sad. Oh, it broke my heart to hear him talk like that. I didn’t like hearing him like that. It made my wounds open again and start to bleed.

  “Oh, Fin. I’ll always be yours. No matter what. Nothing changes that. Are you safe? Are you okay?” I still gripped Sapphire’s hand and I could see that she wanted to talk to him.

  “I’m safe and I’m well. Thank you for asking.”

  “Of course I’d ask. I want you to be safe. Even if we’re not… you know. Have you run away?” I could almost hear him smiling and I pictured his face in my head. Oh, how I missed his face.

  “Yes, I’m joining the circus. I’ll be the one with the whip and the chair, taming the lions.” Now that I could see. Him wearing one of those red velvet coats with a black satin top hat. He’d be glorious and sexy.

  “Are you really okay, Fin? Is this part of your grand plan?” He sighed.

  “No. I had to change the plan. But it was part of the contingency plan. And my contingency plans had contingency plans. I’ll never underestimate my father. Ever again. For now all you need to know is that I’m safe and sound and if you’re ever worried about me, all you have to do is call. I’ll answer as soon as I can. And if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine as well. Whatever you want, Marisol. I’ll do whatever you want.” That worked, as long as I knew what I wanted. Which I didn’t, at the moment.

  In the short term, I wanted Fin to be in a safe place, away from his father. In the long term… We’d have to see what happened in the short term to figure that out. Fin was a puzzle I didn’t have all the pieces to and the final picture on the box was blurred out so I couldn’t even use it to go by.

  “Good. I just got worried. Well, not just me. Sapphire is here.” I heard his sharp intake of breath.

  “She is.” It was a statement more than a question.

  “Yes. Right next to me, actually. Would you maybe want to talk to her? She’s worried about you.” He paused for quite a while before he answered.

  “Sure.” I handed the phone to her and she tucked her hair behind her ear before she answered it.

  “Hey, Herry,” she said. Herry? As in a Herald nickname? I’d never heard him talk about being called that. “You cool?”

  She listened for a minute and then smiled.

  “Yeah, I know, but desperate times. Besides, I like her. You finally picked a good one, which means you took all that advice I tried to pound into your brain.” There was another pause. “Okay, okay. I know. Anyway, I just…” Sapphire looked at me as if she wanted some privacy. That felt odd, but I got up and went into my bedroom. I didn’t know how long she was going to talk to him, but hopefully not too long. I had no idea what country he was even in, so the call might be costing one of us a fortune.

  After just about two minutes, there was a knock at the bedroom door and I opened it to find Sapphire handing me the phone.

  “He wants to say goodbye. And thank you, so much,” she said and I could tell she really meant it. I took the phone from her and put it up to my ear.

  “Fin?”

  “I promise to never underestimate you ever again, Marisol.” He seemed… happy. Calm. And not just his normal calm control. This was something else, and I liked the sound of it.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because you let Sapphire into your house and have treated her with the utmost respect. There are not a lot of people who wou
ld have done the same, under those circumstances.” True. There was a tiny part of me that wanted to claw her eyes out, but what then? It wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t change the past they’d had together. And they did have past together. She had shared things with him that I never could and that was okay. I’d had my own time with him and it had been completely ours.

  Just me and Fin.

  It would never be that way again, but I could hold onto those moments and cherish them. And someday, I might be okay with that. Right now I was still assessing the damage. It hadn’t really hit me yet. But it would and I would probably be knocked down for a while.

  I had my letters to him, and that was helping.

  “Marisol?” I’d blanked out for a moment.

  “Sorry, I just zoned out there for a second.”

  “Are you busy?” he asked, his tone going to cold and formal, which I did not like one bit.

  “No, I was just thinking about everything. Do you need to go?” Usually we couldn’t talk long, and I had the feeling that was currently the case.

  “Not for a few minutes. You have my undivided attention.” I smiled at Sapphire and she closed the bedroom door for me.

  “Oh, what shall I do with it?” I said, falling back into old flirty habits that I probably shouldn’t let myself fall into anymore because we weren’t like that. This was just me being a concerned friend. Not a concerned girlfriend. There was a difference.

  “Whatever you want, Mari Cherry,” he said and my heart fluttered like it always did when he called me that.

  Both of us had fallen into old habits. We’d probably do that for a while.

  “I should probably let you go,” I said, even though I wanted to talk much longer. This was starting to hurt and make me want to cry again.

  “It’s so good to hear from you. And thank you again for what you did for Sapphire. Would you like me to call you?” Yes, yes I did. But should he call me? That was the question.

  “If you want,” I said. That left it up to him. “But if you do, I’ll always answer. Always.” There was a beat of silence as both of us tried to find the right words to end the conversation that we didn’t want to end.