Deep Surrendering: Episode Four Read online

  My final classes ended just before five and I turned my phone back on to find a bazillion texts from Chloe. I’d definitely neglected her in the past few days. I’d broken Friend Code, Rule Three.

  So as I headed home I called her.

  “Oh my God, you’re alive. Have you just been having amazing sex for the past two days? And you’re welcome for the candle party, by the way. I sold that shit like it was the apocalypse and I had the last cans of rations.” She wouldn’t be pissed at me for long. She loved me too much.

  “Um, sort of. Listen, he’s leaving tomorrow and this is our last night together. I’m freaking out and sad and excited and a million things, all at once.”

  “Aw, Mari. You really, really like him. Even though he’s a kinky fucker. I told you that you had a thing for bad boys, didn’t I?”

  I was glad she couldn’t see me rolling my eyes. “Yes, yes you did. You were right, as always.”

  “Damn straight. Are you going to need me to come pick your sad ass up off the floor tomorrow?”

  “Um, probably. He said he doesn’t want me at the airport, so I’m going to respect that. It’s probably because his dad will be there. Oh my God, I haven’t told you about his dad.” I launched into my story of surprising Fin at his office. She immediately asked me if I’d showed up naked wearing just a trench coat. This was why we were friends.

  “No, I did not, and that was a good thing.” I continued with the story, and she kept interrupting and asking questions, but I didn’t mind.

  By the time I got to telling her about my previous evening with Fin and how well it had gone, I still hadn’t given her concrete details of our kinky fuckery, but I gave her enough.

  “So anyway, I feel like I should do something for him. Actually, I feel like I should have prepared more for this. I knew he was leaving, but I didn’t want to think about it, so I didn’t, and now it’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

  “You could make him a Marisol Kit.”

  I finally reached my apartment building. “And what, pray tell, is in a Marisol Kit?”

  “I’m glad you asked,” she said. “It’s a kit of things that represent you so he can pull it out and look at it when he’s missing you. Put on a shirt that has your smell on it, a few pictures of you, little keepsakes that remind him of the dates you’ve been on, that kind of stuff. Anything that will make him think of you.” I felt like a moron for not thinking of it myself.

  “Okay, I think I can do that. I have about an hour until he comes, so I basically have no time to get this together. Therefore, I’m going to go do that. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  I was going to go to classes and study like normal. At least until Fin let me know that he was in the air and gone.

  “Good luck, lover. Call me.”

  I dashed up to my place, dropped off my school stuff, and started rushing around my apartment, gathering things for the Marisol Kit. First to go was the tank I’d worn last night. I spritzed it with a tiny bit of my perfume. I wanted to include pictures, but most of what I had was on my phone, so I took a few selfies and then used my photo printer. I’d filtered them in black and white, and they weren’t the greatest, but they’d do.

  I found a takeout menu from the restaurant we had lunch at today and added that. What else, what else?

  I thought about putting the rubber duck in, but he’d given that to me, and I wanted to keep it. But there was a cute little novelty store not that far from my place. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door.

  I was a woman on a mission.

  “I have a surprise for you,” I said after Fin had given me the requisite sprig of lilacs and purple vase to hold them in. “I wanted to get you something that you could take with you.” I handed him the purple wooden box with a huge white bow on it.

  “You didn’t have to get me anything,” he said, undoing the bow.

  “You get me things all the time. Why can’t I get you stuff? Besides, I didn’t buy some of the things anyway. You’ll see.” He looked at the box as if it contained a bomb. “Just open it.”

  He did, and I gleefully waited for his reaction.

  “It’s a Marisol Kit,” I said as he pulled the items out, one by one.

  There was the tank top and the pictures, along with a purple duck that had a little white bowtie, the takeout menu, a postcard with a picture of lilacs on it with a little note from me, a little coil of rope, a DVD of Casablanca, a pin that said “Spank Me,” and a card with my phone number, email address, and physical address all written on it.

  He looked at each of the things carefully before putting them back in the box and shutting it.

  “Come here,” he said, holding his arms open. I fell into them, and he held me so hard I thought he was going to squeeze the air out of me.

  “I’m going to miss you so much,” he said in my ear. “So much.”

  “Me too.” He sniffed and I wondered if he was crying. I felt like I wanted to.

  He let me go and wiped his eyes with his hand. “That was not how I planned for tonight to go, but you derailed my plans, Mari Cherry.” He wrapped his hands around my waist.

  “My bad,” I said, not the least bit sorry. “But you like it?”

  “It’s perfect. And I have to confess that I got you something to remember me as well, but it’s back at my place. Are you ready to go?”

  “Yeah.” He picked up the box and tucked it under his arm, taking my hand with his free one.

  Carl greeted me with a huge smile, and I realized that I was going to miss him as well. These past few weeks had changed my life so much. I couldn’t imagine going back to life pre-Fin. God, things had been so boring. I’d just been going through the motions. Yes, I loved school and I still did, but Fin had reignited my passion for just being alive. Everything was better when I was with him. I hoped that didn’t change.

  I stayed close to Fin the whole drive. I couldn’t pull myself away from him. How was I going to do this tomorrow?

  No. No. I wasn’t going to think about tomorrow. I was going to live in this exact moment. And this one. And this one. Fin was still here, and he was still with me.

  We went a little overboard with food when we got up to Fin’s place. To be fair, we couldn’t decide what we wanted, so we got a little bit of everything.

  “There is no way we can eat all this,” I said when the food arrived and we arranged it on his dining table.

  “No. But we can try.” I wasn’t going to try too hard. If I ate too much I’d go into another food coma, and then probably fall asleep before we had sex. I couldn’t let that happen.

  “What we can do is start and then come back for seconds and thirds,” he said, loading up his first plate.

  “Nice. Good thinking.”

  “Do you want to eat here?” I shook my head and he smiled. “I’ve got us set up in the bedroom again.” I loved how he planned these things out.

  I loaded up my own plate, and we headed to his bedroom. He had the projector screen set up again and the trays for eating in bed were out as well.

  “What are we watching?” I asked.

  “Sleepless in Seattle. That’s what we agreed on last time.”

  I was happy he remembered. We got settled and he turned on the movie.

  “You know, Tom Hanks is one of those guys who can do anything. He can go from that one where he was stranded on the island and talked to a volleyball, to a romantic movie with Julia Roberts,” I said.

  “You have a thing for Tom Hanks?” Fin asked as the movie started.

  “Maybe. He’s good looking but he’s not, like, drop-dead hot. Yet he’s been in all these romantic movies. He’s the average guy who gets the girl. I like that.”

  I munched at my eggroll as Fin dug into some of the chicken alfredo.

  “So you like average guys, then?”

  “Nice fishing. There’s nothing average about you. You’re extraordinary.” I wasn’t trying to bloat his ego. It was the truth.

  “If
by extraordinary, you mean fucked up, then yes, I am.” Now that was ridiculous.

  “You don’t see what I see. But that’s okay. I’ll see it for you and remind you.”

  “Promise?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I handed him one of the fortune cookies that had come with my eggrolls. He broke his open and I cracked mine.

  “What does it say?” I asked after I’d read mine.

  “Love will always find you,” he read. “What about yours?”

  “You will meet a tall, handsome stranger.”

  “It does not say that,” he said, grabbing the fortune out of my hand. “Huh. It does say that.”

  “Maybe it’s talking about Tom Hanks. He’s tall and handsome.” Fin gave me a look and handed the fortune back to me. “It’s you. Definitely you.”

  “You know if I ever actually meet Tom Hanks, I’m going to be irrationally jealousy of him, right?”

  “Hey, that’s not my fault.” He threw a packet of salt at me. “Really mature.”

  I managed to not eat too much, but I felt bad that there was so much leftover food.

  “Dessert?” he said as we cleaned up from our first round of eating.

  “Maybe in a little while.” I’d been looking around, but the so-called surprise he had for me was nowhere to be seen. I got more and more curious as time wore on and he seemed to have completely forgotten about it.

  “I’m not going to tell you what it is,” he said as I put my plate in the dishwasher.

  “What what is?”

  “What your surprise is. It’s not time for it yet. So stop looking around. It’s not in plain sight, and it’s not what you think it is.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I rinsed his plate and added it with mine.

  “Right.” I bumped into him purposefully as we walked back to the bedroom. He bumped me back and then I did it again. “You are asking for it, Mari Cherry.”

  “Asking for what?” Teasing him was far too enjoyable. Things went from playful to me being pushed up against the wall, Fin’s face an inch from mine.

  “You. Are. Asking. For. It,” he said. Playful time was over. His hips ground into mine, and then I stopped thinking about my surprise or dessert or Tom Hanks.

  I pushed my hips upward into his. “Then give it to me.”

  For a moment, I thought he was going to take me right there, up against the wall outside his bedroom, but then he smiled slowly and kissed the tip of my nose.

  “Later, maybe.”

  And then the bastard walked into the bedroom as if nothing had happened.

  I stood there for a second. Holy. Shit. Fin still managed to twist me all up inside. It was torture. I wished I could do the same to him, but he was so much better at it than I was. He’d had more practice at flirting and being sexy.

  Peeling my spine off the wall, I set my shoulders back and tried to act casual as I entered the bedroom again. He sat on the bed, watching the movie. No big deal.

  I slowed my walk and stretched my arms over my head, sighing as I stretched. Two could play at this game. I locked my arms behind my back and thrust my chest out. Yeah, I was being obvious. I rolled my head on my neck and sighed again before climbing into bed, purposefully leaving space between Fin and I.

  I curled on my side, leaving my backside toward him. I could feel his eyes on me, even if I couldn’t see him.

  This would be easier if I had pajamas on. I got up again and went to grab my overnight bag. Oh, I was going to get his damn attention.

  Stripping off my shirt ever so slowly, I folded it up and stood there in my bra for a moment. Fin shifted on the bed, and I hoped my undressing was the cause.

  I swiveled my hips and kept stretching. I’d chosen my bra carefully, for maximum sexy affect. It was definitely working. Fin got off the bed and I turned my back to him. His hands gripped my hips and he pulled me back against him.

  “You are trying to destroy me.”

  “Nope. Just stretching. And it was hot in here. It’s not my fault if you can’t resist my feminine charms.” Such as they were.

  His fingers dug into my skin and reminded me of last night. I was still tender, but I wanted him again like that. Wanted this last night with him to leave a lasting impression on my mind and my body.

  “I’m not sure if I want to watch the rest of the movie right now,” he said in my ear.

  “Me neither. Even though I adore Tom Hanks.”

  His hands moved lower, around my stomach, dipping under the waistband of my jeans.

  “Screw Tom Hanks,” he said, a little bit of growl in his voice.

  “I’d like to.”

  “No. The only one you’re screwing tonight is me.” He turned me around and looked at me. “I think it’s time for your surprise.” Turning off the movie, he led me to the bed and made me sit down on the edge.

  “Remember your safeword. Don’t be afraid to use it.” He flicked on the enchanted light, and I knew I was about to spend a while with my dark prince. I nodded and waited as he went to his closet and emerged with something in his hands.

  The blindfold that had fallen out of the drawer a few days ago. I wondered if he would ever use it on me.

  “Turn your head.” I did, and he tied it around my eyes. “How many fingers?”

  “Two,” I guessed.

  “What am I doing right now?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

  “Good.” His feet padded across the floor again. This time when he came back, I jumped when he touched my shoulder.

  “Stand up and undress yourself. Please.” The “please” was almost snarky. I smiled at him and complied, pulling off my shirt, being careful not to disturb the blindfold.

  I wanted to wrap my arms around myself when I disrobed, but I didn’t.

  “You know that I like control, but I also like having the upper hand. Right now, I can see you and you can’t see me. But really, Marisol, you’re the one who’s going to benefit here. Without your sight to cloud your experience, your other senses will be heightened. It makes the experience so much more … visceral. Or so I’ve been told.”

  So he’d never been blindfolded? Interesting. Maybe that was something we could try when he came back. I’d started building up a list of fantasies. Or Fintasies.

  “I’m going to help you move back onto the bed,” he said, and lifted me up. Before he had me lie back, he cleared everything off the bed but piled the pillows up so my back was supported.

  “Put your arm up.” I did as I was told, and he wrapped what felt like the silky rope from the drawer around my wrist, pulling it and tying it to the bedpost. I didn’t need to see to know what he was going to do.

  Honestly, it freaked me out to be immobilized and blind. But that was what the safeword was for. I was almost glad I’d used it already so I knew he would take it seriously.

  “Test it. Is that too tight?” I pulled at my bond. I definitely couldn’t break it, but it wasn’t cutting off circulation or uncomfortable in any way.

  I shook my head and he repeated the process with my other hand before moving to my legs.

  And then I was spread out before him.

  “Fuck, I’ve wanted to do this ever since I first saw you. You’re so beautiful, sweet Marisol. So goddamn beautiful. Part of me wants to tie you up and take you with me. Keep you in my room.” That wouldn’t be terrible. I’d get to see the world and be at his beck and call.

  He touched the bottom of my right foot and I flinched, pulling against the ropes. I hoped his bed was sturdy enough for this usage. Something told me he’d already made sure it was beforehand.

  “Ticklish, are you?” Sometimes. When I was touched in certain areas and wasn’t expecting it.

  He stroked my foot again, and I wiggled. He chuckled and then I heard his footsteps again. Something drizzled on my feet, and then his hands started massaging me, starting with my toes and working toward my heels. Damn, he had some talented fingers. Fin knew just the
right spots to hit.

  Moving upward, he got to my ankles, then my calves. I started relaxing, feeling loose and languid. Then he moved to my thighs, and that woke me the hell up.

  But then he switched gears, straddling me and working on my arms and shoulders. He was hard, but didn’t seem to be in any rush. His silence was maddening. I wanted so much to grab him and kiss him like I had last night. This time, I couldn’t. I was powerless against him.

  I became aware of my own breathing. Of his breathing. Of the quiet in the room. The sensations of his hands rubbing and pressing against my muscles.

  “I can feel you opening up to me,” he finally said as he worked on my pectorals, at the tops of my breasts. My nipples were already hard, and the pressure and intensity between my legs had started as a slow build but was quickly consuming me.

  His hands left my skin, and a second later he pinched my nipples. Hard. I would have cried out, but he stopped the sound with his mouth on mine, his tongue driving past my lips. Slow time was over.

  The kiss ended, his mouth traveling down my chin, to my neck. He’d give me one tender kiss, followed by a little bite. It was cruel and erotic, and made me long to rip free from the restraints.

  Fin nipped and kissed his way down my torso, and he didn’t stop at my stomach. He went lower and lower, and then he kissed my core. My hips pushed into his mouth, and the bedposts creaked from the strain I put on them, tugging at the ropes.

  The pace slowed again, and he took his time, making sure everything between my legs was touched and teased by his mouth. My first climax came fast, but he didn’t stop there. He sucked on my clit, licking another orgasm out of me only minutes later. With the blindfold, everything was more powerful. More intense.

  Afterwards, I wondered if this was what a jellyfish felt like. Spineless, floating in an ocean of light and color.

  He crawled back up my body and placed himself at my entrance. I waited for him, but he teased my opening, making my hands clench and my hips reach for him.

  I’d gone from resting on clouds of pleasure to complete and total frustration.