Surrendering to Us Read online

  “Good morning, Lilia, anything on fire yet?” I tried to joke with her every morning, and every time, she laughed, and then her eyes went wide like she’d done something terrible. Was my humor that bad? I’d never really had a problem with it before. Sarcasm, yes. I’d gotten myself into some sticky situations with that. And probably would again.

  “Oh, um, there are a few messages, and your father called and asked to see you when you have a moment.” If Lilia was terrified of me, it was nothing compared to the fear she had of my father. I’d taken her to meet him and thought she was going to pass out in his presence, like a girl in some movie. Dad could be intimidating; I could give her that. I’d had to hurry her quickly away and give her a moment to collect herself in the break room.

  “Thanks very much,” I said, taking the sticky notes with my messages written on them. I was going to listen to them as well, but it was nice to know what I was dealing with ahead of time.

  The fallout from the fiasco of a couple weeks ago was still making my life a living hell. We’d been planning a new product launch, and Dad (and the Board of Directors) was all for going ahead with it, even against the wishes of the PR department. It was both a good thing and a bad thing. It gave all of us something positive to focus on, instead of trying to constantly reassure our current clients and the rest of the world that the incident was isolated and had been dealt with and wouldn’t happen again, and we were putting in safeguards to make SURE that it didn’t happen again, etc., etc., etc. I wanted to record my voice saying my little spiel and just play it when people called. Luckily, if they emailed, I had a form answer that I could copy and paste.

  Dad was working more and more hours, trying to show that he had control, and it was taking its toll on him. The bags under his eyes, which had only been there every now and then, were now permanent fixtures on his face. But he wouldn’t let anyone tell him that he was working too hard, or too much. Not me, not Mom, not the Board. The best thing to do was try to take as much pressure off him as possible by doing my job as best I could and trying to handle things so they didn’t escalate and get to him.

  I sighed and sat down at my desk. My WORLD’S GREATEST BOSS mug made me think of Lucah. EVERYTHING made me think of Lucah. This entire office had been steeped in memories and moments with him. I would never think about this place again without thinking of him.

  Before I sat down and filled my head with work, I went to get coffee. Someone was waiting in the break room, leaning right next to the Keurig.

  “Good morning, Miss Clarke,” he said, a wicked smile on his lips. Oh, he knew exactly how to undo me with one look.

  I inhaled slowly and walked into the room, heading straight for the Keurig and popping in one of the little cups while not looking at him. Too much eye contact led to eye fucking, which could lead to real fucking, and I wasn’t going to let that happen in the office. Again.

  Lucah didn’t seem to have as many qualms as I did about intra-office sexy relations. I stared at the Keurig as if my life depended on it. For me, with Lucah, it was all or nothing. In order to not rip his suit off him and ask him to bend me over my desk and fuck my brains out, I had to maintain a perimeter. A bubble, if you will. Now if I could get this bubble actually constructed, that would make my life a lot easier.

  He was much better at being near me and keeping his composure. Must be all that corporate spy training. Or he just had abnormally good control over his lust. And by lust, I meant penis.

  I told myself that over time, the feelings would cool. I would be able to see him and not think about him thrusting into me, his face concentrated on what he was doing, and then the look of ecstasy that passed over it when he came . . .

  I had to stop thinking that way.

  “Why are you being so rude, Miss Clarke?” He always inserted hidden meaning into my name. I couldn’t hear him say it without it conjuring up not-work-appropriate thoughts.

  “I am trying to work and you are making it difficult. I know you came up here just to torment me. It’s not very nice.” I was interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Smith (full name Joseph Smith, no relation to the founder of the Mormon church), the head of Accounting. He had certainly gotten raked over the coals for the embezzling debacle and it was a miracle he still had a job. Lucah cleared his throat and left, but not before giving me a wink that Mr. Smith couldn’t see.

  “Hello, Rory. How are you this morning?” I smiled. You had to feel for the guy. He was another one of the oldest employees and one of Dad’s good friends. I happened to know Dad vouched for him and that was the only reason he was still working here. Most everyone else had shunned him, and his shoulders were always slumped forward now. He even avoided most eye contact.

  “I’m very well, how are you?” He was another one that got a free pass to call me by my nickname.

  “Oh I’m doing well, doing well.” He wasn’t, and we both knew that.

  “Good, good. You’ll let me know if you need anything, okay? We’ve all gotta pull together, right?” I gave him a pat on the shoulder. I knew he wasn’t going to slap me with a sexual harassment suit. He gave me a sad smile and returned the pat.

  “You’re a good girl, Rory.” At least he thought so. I took my coffee and went back to my office and prepared for the daily onslaught. It was time to put Lucah out of my mind and be the Rory I was before he came into my life.

  Of course, it would be lot easier to be the old Rory if Lucah wasn’t constantly popping up. Granted, not all of it was his fault. He often sent me completely work-related emails about new projects and so forth, but they were almost always group emails, written in stiff businessese. Work emails were strictly monitored, even more so now, so he would never take risk sending me something that wasn’t strictly on the up and up. That would definitely get both of us fired.

  But I had something else that afternoon to distract me from thinking about Lucah. Once again, I’d forgotten about the interviews the Board and Human Resources were conducting to fill the disgraced Mr. Craig’s place. They’d farmed out some of his other jobs (since he hadn’t really been doing them in the first place), but we still needed another Vice President and head of Marketing.

  I wasn’t required to be in the initial interviews, but once they’d narrowed down the candidates, I would be present for the final interview and to help choose who would ultimately take the job.

  Poor Mrs. Andrews had to escort each one from the reception area all the way down the hall to the boardroom. Because I was nosy, I kept my door open so I could check them out as they walked by.

  For me, first impressions were extremely important. Case in point, Lucah. He’d made my ladyparts throb with desire from the second I’d met him. I’d also thought he was irritating and cocky, but that was beside the point.

  Mrs. Andrews also knew that I liked to get a visual, so she slowed down when she led them by my office so I could get a good look. I knew, based on experience, that a lot of them didn’t even belong here and with the Board being more exclusive than ever, most of them didn’t have a prayer.

  Almost all of the candidates were older, and male. Big shock. But there was one that Mrs. Andrews took by that made me do a double take. It wasn’t just that she looked like she was around my age, but her fiery red curls were hard to miss. I’d gained Redhead Radar because of Lucah.

  She sauntered past my office without a glance at me, but Mrs. Andrews gave me a look. I would definitely have to make a trip to her desk later and see what the deal was with this girl.

  I was completely distracted for the next twenty minutes as I waited for her to walk by again. When she did, she was chatting with Mrs. Andrews and laughing. I had to admit, after the second glance, she was lovely, the poised kind of lovely that my mother had. She vanished again and I went back to work.

  Not more than ten minutes later, Mrs. Andrews knocked on the doorframe.

  “I just wanted to see what you thought, and bring you these,” she said, after I nodded at her to come in and close the door
. She also had a stack of papers I hoped were résumés that she handed me. Technically, I wasn’t supposed to see them until the choices had been narrowed down, but Mrs. Andrews made exceptions for me.

  “Thank you very much. When do you need them back?” I started thumbing through them, putting aside the ones that I knew immediately were no’s in my book.

  “If you could be done in an hour, no one will know they’re missing.” I gave her a smile and a thumbs up and went back through them. The girl with the red hair, I assumed, belonged to one of the résumés on the bottom. Violet Cooper, twenty-five, former Vice President of a small cable company, MBA from a small college. She’d started out in retail, and had worked her way up. This girl was a fighter. Maybe it had something to do with the red hair. I read her résumé a few more times before I put it with the rest, stuck it in a folder and scurried down to Mrs. Andrews’ desk. I was surprised to find Lucah leaning against it and chatting with her as she threw her head back and laughed.

  “What are you doing on this level, Mr. Blythe?”

  “I was just visiting, Miss Clarke. I had to deliver something to Mr. Clarke, so I thought I would take a moment to stop and say hello to Mrs. Andrews.” Smooth.

  “Well, how sweet of you, Mr. Blythe.” I wanted to kiss him, to close the three-foot space between us, lay one on him and feel his tongue with the plastic barbell in my mouth. Judging by the look on his face, he was thinking the same thing.

  “Is it warm in here?” Mrs. Andrews said, fanning herself. “Maybe it’s just me having a hot flash.” I couldn’t decide if that was a joke, or if she was being serious. Judging from the look on Lucah’s face, he couldn’t either.

  “On that note, I believe I should get back to the underworld where I belong.” He did a bow and headed for the stairs instead of the elevator.

  “Don’t forget your coin to pay the toll,” I called after him. His laugh echoed up from a few stairs down.

  I sighed and leaned on Mrs. Andrews’ desk. She had a smug smile on her face as if she was very pleased with herself.

  “So, on further inspection, what did you think? I was very impressed with that young girl, what was her name?” She started rifling through the papers.

  “Violet,” I said. “Yeah, she did look impressive, but I’m not sure they’re going to go for her. Given that she’s so young and you know how much they adore youth.”

  “Well, we’ll just have to wait and see. I wouldn’t mind having some more fresh female blood up here and maybe the two of you could stick together.” That was true. I hadn’t thought of that.

  “I guess we’ll see.” She put the résumés back in her desk and I went back to my office, pondering.

  Well either Violet Cooper had given out a lot of sexual favors, or else she’d really nailed the initial interview (I hoped it was the latter) because she was on the short list when I opened my email a little while later. Due to Lilia’s fabulous flagging system, it was one of the first things I read. She’d learned that what I deemed important varied, which was what made the job slightly difficult.

  Follow-up interviews with everyone who made it through the first round were set for tomorrow and were going to take nearly an entire day. Lovely. I’d have to remember to drink an extra cup of coffee, or five, beforehand. Interviews, if you’ve done enough of them, can be horribly dull, unless someone says something unexpected. Or they answer their phone in the middle of said interview.

  I meant to go see Dad in the morning, but of course that didn’t happen. There was a snag with some of the html coding on the beta website page for the new software and no one seemed to be able to figure it out, so a group email had been sent around to see if anyone could fix it. I had a working knowledge of html, but I couldn’t find why it wasn’t working. I sent my response back that I had no idea. Two seconds after I sent it, there was another timid knock. Sometimes when I looked up, I still thought Lucah was going to be standing there, but it was Lilia. Maybe she was so scared because I always looked so disappointed to see her. It wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t Lucah.

  “Miss Clarke?”

  “Yes, what can I do for you, Lilia?” She shifted from one purple satin heel to the other. Today her dress was sunny yellow, with a matching purple belt around her waist. Too bad she was a twig, or else I would beg to raid her closet.

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s probably not my place, but I was just glancing at that code, and I think I found the problem.” Lilia, in addition to her own email account, had access to mine, but I forgot sometimes that she could see it whenever she wanted.

  “You did?” She nodded and kept her eyes on the floor. “Where?” I nodded and she walked into my office as if I’d asked her to enter the Dungeon of Eternal Torture. But she came around my desk and stood at my shoulder as I pulled the copy of the code up.

  She scanned it with her eyes and then pointed.

  “There. It’s missing . . . “ she stole the mouse and moved it to the spot and then typed a few things in. “There. That should work.” For the first time her voice wasn’t a whisper. This girl knew code.

  “I have no idea what you just did, but I’m going to send it back to tech and have them double-check it.”

  And just like that, timid Lilia reappeared.

  “I hope it’s right. I think it’s right.”

  “If it is, I’m taking you out to lunch. My treat.” I smiled, but the scared look on her face just got worse. “So you know html?”

  “Uh yeah. You know how some people can learn a foreign language really easily? That’s like me and code. My brother and I used to hack websites for fun in our spare time when we were kids. Oh. I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Please don’t fire me.” She looked like she was actually scared that I would use her teenage hacking as a reason to fire her. It made me laugh.

  “Um, if you knew about all the crap I did when I was younger, and still managed to be successful . . . So why did you want to be my assistant instead of working down with the tech guys?” She paused for a long time before she answered, and I started to think maybe she wouldn’t.

  “I thought about it, but I wanted to learn from you. I wanted to know how you did it, being so young and being surrounded by men. I can be a little shy, and you seemed so confident. I wanted to learn from the best.” Wow, what a compliment. I could feel my head swell and my cheeks turn red. That was rare, outside of Lucah teasing me.

  “You make me sound like some sort of corporate superhero.” I should put in an order for a cape. “I’m not, but it’s really nice of you to say that. I learned the hard way, and I know you have to be confident. Knowing that you’re smart and prepared, and that you are the best for the job is also key. Convincing people that you know what you’re talking about is half the battle. Clearly, your strength is code, based on what you just showed me. So I’ll fish around and see if I can get you some special projects.” Now it was her turn to blush.

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

  “Of course I do. I’m your boss, and I want you to succeed here. I also don’t want to lose you to another company.” I knew a gem when I found one. It just took a little while for her to shine.

  A ding signaled that I had an email. It was tech informing me that Lilia’s fix had worked.

  “Go sign out. I’m taking you to lunch.” She gave me another tiny smile and dashed to her desk.

  Once I got Lilia out of the office, and got her talking about computers and code and so forth, she turned into a delightful, bubbly person. I knew she was buried in there. Lilia was one of those people who really lit up when she was talking about something she was passionate about.

  “I’m sorry for talking so much.”

  “Don’t be sorry at all, I’ve been trying to get you to talk since I hired you. Even though I’m your boss, I want us to be able to talk, okay?”

  She nodded and finished the last bit of her key lime pie. I paid using the company credit card, which Lilia noticed.

  “This is a wo
rk meeting. We discussed work, so it counts,” I said, giving her a wink. If several of the men at the office could go golfing and write it off, I could take my assistant out to lunch.

  “Thanks so much. This was really nice,” she said as I dropped her back at her desk.

  “We’ll have to make it a regular thing. Maybe once a month.” She smiled again, and I definitely liked that look better than her fearful face. I dropped my bag off in my office and went down the hall to see Dad.

  “Rory, I was hoping I’d see you sometime today.” He motioned me in and I closed the door. “How are you doing? How’s your new assistant? Not quite like your last one.” Haha.

  “She’s doing well. It’s probably a good thing that she isn’t like the last one. How are you doing?” He was looking worse and worse. Now his skin had sort of taken on an unhealthy grayish tinge that made my stomach flip in a bad way. I was going to have to give Mom a call and see if she could do something.

  “Busy. Very busy. This . . . setback has been tough. But we can get through it.” He gave me a tight smile, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore.

  “Daddy, you have to stop working so hard. You’re going to get sick. There is a whole office full of people who can help you. And we have all those interns now. I’m worried about you.” I got up and put my arms around him. He sighed heavily, like he’d heard it before, which he had. Probably from multiple sources.

  “This is my company. I built it from the ground up and I feel responsible. This happened on my watch, because I wasn’t paying attention. I can’t let it happen again.” I just hugged him harder, and he finally hugged me back.

  “But I worry about you. You’re not as young as you were.”

  “Hey, I earned these years and grey hairs.” He pulled back and smiled.