Faster We Burn Read online

  “Can’t we just…not and say we did?” Will said as we consumed the cupcakes Audrey had brought over for the party.

  “Look, if we could just Portkey the stuff here, I would totally do that, but we can’t,” Lottie said.

  “Wish we could,” Audrey said. “It would make things so much easier.”

  Stryker swiped some frosting off his cupcake and held it out to me. I licked it off and someone made a disgusted sound. Oh, like they hadn’t all done it already.

  “There’s another part of this little surprise,” Trish said, getting up from Max’s lap. “Stryker mentioned your wish to change your hair up, so I brought some supplies.” She grabbed her backpack and dumped it out on the coffee table. Bottles and combs and other things fell out.

  “You ready to be pink?” I picked up the box that had a smiling girl with brilliant pink hair on the front. Well, I wasn’t ready to be that pink, but a few streaks were definitely doable.

  “Um, you sure you know what you’re doing?” I said.

  “Who do you think does my hair, and his?” She pointed to Stryker. “I’ve been doing it for years, and I haven’t messed up yet.”

  “There was that one time…” Stryker said.

  She glared at him. “Okay once, I messed up once.”

  “What happened?” Max said.

  Trish looked at the ceiling. “I may have made Stryker’s hair the color of snot.”

  “I think it was more dirty canary. Either way, it was pretty bad,” Stryker said, shuddering. “Never again.”

  “But that’s not going to happen to you. So, are you ready?” She took the box from me and grinned.

  “Guess so,” I said, even though it was kind of a lie. No time like now.

  I’d only ever had highlights done, so doing the pink was a whole different thing. First Trish had to bleach the pieces that I wanted, which made my eyes burn, and then she had to put the color on. There was a lot of waiting, and holding still, and people staring at me, and more waiting for the end results. I opted for a few streaks in the front, and then a few more here and there throughout. Trish seemed to know what she was doing, so I trusted her enough to take charge.

  She wouldn’t let me see anything until she’d washed the dye out in Stryker’s sink and blow-dried my entire head. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d flat-ironed it. I’d sort of stopped doing a lot of that stuff. I also hadn’t been tanning in forever. I used to go like clockwork, but it seemed like both a stupid and dangerous waste of money now.

  “You’re done, gorgeous,” Trish said, turning me around.

  “Let us see!” Lottie said, banging on the bathroom door.

  “Well, it’s…” I said, searching for the right word.

  “Pink,” Trish finished for me.

  The girl looking back at me from the mirror looked…older? More…in charge? I tucked one of the streaks behind my ear and smiled. It was pink and it was awesome.

  “My mom is going to freak.” This couldn’t be any worse than Kayla’s tattoo. At least this wasn’t permanent.

  Lottie banged on the door again.

  “I’m coming out,” I said, looking once more in the mirror. There was something missing. I quickly fished in my bag for my glasses, after popping out my contacts. I always kept extra solution at Stryker’s because he liked the glasses better than my contacts.

  “Genius,” Trish said when I put my glasses on. “It’s like in those movies where the girl takes off her glasses and all of a sudden she’s super hot. Only you’re the opposite of that.”

  “Right,” I said, trying to figure out if that was a compliment or an insult and deciding it was a compliment.

  There was another bang on the door, so I took a deep breath, opened the door dramatically and struck a pose.

  “Tada!” I was met with a round of applause and a kiss from Stryker.

  “Hey, Pinky. You look amazing.”

  “Thanks.”

  Everyone said how good it looked and touched it and oohhhed and ahhhed. Even if it looked like crap, they probably would have done so with as much enthusiasm. They were also all starving, and would have done anything to hurry up the process so they could all go eat.

  “Shoot. I think I left my phone back at the dorm,” I said, after searching for it in my purse and my car. “I think it’s on my desk. I’ll go grab it and be right back, okay?”

  Everyone was restless and hungry, but I promised I’d be back ASAP. Stryker offered to come with me, but I figured it was just an excuse to pull over somewhere so we could make out, and everyone was hungry enough as it was.

  “I swear, I’ll be right back and then we have aaallll night. Just think about that,” I said, reaching my hand in his pocket and giving him a little squeeze when no one was looking.

  “Fine,” he said, his voice rough.

  “Be back soon,” I said, waving to everyone. They were all busy starting another round of the Picnic game. I shook my head and walked down the stairs.

  ***

  I was so distracted by my new pink hair and thinking about moving in with Stryker that I almost didn’t see him waiting outside the dorm’s entrance.

  “Katie.”

  I looked up and there he was, wearing a pressed shirt and expensive jeans, and a serious look I’d never seen before.

  “Zack,” I said, as if saying his name would make him disappear, like in a dream.

  He didn’t.

  I stopped walking with at least twenty feet of space between us.

  “What do you want from me? What are you doing here?” I fished in my purse for the pepper spray I’d gotten a while back, just in case of moments like this. I reached for it, but he didn’t move closer to me. My hand brushed the Ziploc bag of Dad’s ashes before I withdrew it.

  “I just…shit, I practiced this.”

  I crossed my arms, tucking the pepper spray against my palm so he couldn’t see it.

  “Zack, you had your chances to say everything. I just want you to leave me alone.” I tried to be stern, but my voice shook a little.

  “I know, I know.” He took a step closer, and I took one back.

  “I just wanted to tell you that,” he took a deep breath and looked up at me, his eyes clear. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, and that I’m getting help. I just wanted you to know that.”

  Part of me wanted to tell him that was great, but another, larger part wanted to tell him that it was too little, too late. He’d broken anything we had together beyond repair. The only hope I could have for him now was that he wouldn’t do it to any other girls. That was the only hope I could ever have for him anymore.

  “Good. Now you can leave me alone,” I said.

  “But…” He sort of reached toward me, but didn’t step closer.

  I put one hand up to stop him. “Look, you came to say what you needed to say. I’m going to go in the building right now and the next time you see me, it will be in court. Bye, Zack.” He was standing between me and the building, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. He was never going to stand between me and anything else. Ever.

  I started walking and was about to reach for the front door when he planted himself in front of me.

  “But you’re not hearing me, babe. I really need you to hear me. What did you do to your hair? And why are you wearing your glasses?” There it was. That word, and the desperation in his eyes. He reached for me, and that was it.

  I simultaneously sprayed him and kneed him in the groin.

  He screamed and dropped to the ground, and I went for the door as fast as I could, yanking it open and running for the stairs. It was unlikely he was going to follow me, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. My hands shook as I unlocked my door and went for my phone, which was exactly where I thought it would be.

  I gave the operator the details as I pushed several boxes of books she’d been packing up in front of the door and sat on them, heart pounding.

  The operator told me that the cops were on their way
, so I called Stryker.

  “I thought you were going straight there and back. What’s taking so long?” He tried to make his tone joking, but I could hear the worried edge in it. We didn’t have twindar, but Stryker always seemed to worry about me when I wasn’t with him. Maybe because of all the death that had been around us lately.

  “Zack’s here. I’m okay, though. He tried to touch me, but I pepper sprayed him and kicked him and now I’m in my room with the door locked. I called the cops and they’re on their way. So I’m fine, really.” My voice sounded like it didn’t belong to me.

  Stryker let forth a string of curses and I heard a commotion in the background.

  “I’m coming to get you. Hold on. Just stay on the phone with me.” He put his hand over the phone and I heard muffled talking. They were probably all coming to my rescue now. I listened to them with one ear and trained the other on the hallway. I’d told the cops which room I was in so they could find me.

  “Are you still there?” Stryker said as I heard more chatter and car doors slamming.

  “I’m here.” Sort of.

  Tires squealed. “Just stay with me, sweetheart. I will never let him hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  He said a bunch of other things, but I didn’t hear most of them. I felt floaty, like a balloon that was only lightly tethered to the ground.

  I waited and waited and waited.

  Finally, voices sounded down the hall. Adult voices. Police voices. Then there was a banging on my door, followed but a flutter of other voices that I recognized.

  “Katie?! Are you okay?” Stryker said, trying to open the locked door. Ah, that question that never had an answer. “Just tell me if you’re in there, sweetheart.”

  “I’m here,” I said, getting off the boxes and pushing them out of the way. I opened the door and was met by quite a group. Three cops and five friends.

  “Oh, Katie,” Stryker said, reaching out for me. I shook my head.

  “I’m okay. I just…” I looked at all of them. “I want to fucking kill him, the bastard.” My weird floaty feeling was gone, replaced with something that burned hotter and brighter.

  Rage.

  “Where is he?” I said to one of the cops. “I have a few things I’d like to tell him.”

  The cop looked at me with a stunned expression.

  “We, uh, took him into custody. I don’t think you should see him right now.” He tried to put his hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

  “No, I’m not done with him yet. I’m going to make him regret everything he did to me.” I tried to lunge past the crowd, which wasn’t the brightest thing to do because about six sets of arms were there to stop me.

  “Let me go!” I said, trying to shove my way through and failing. “I’m going to make him wish he was never born.” I growled, and another set of hands clasped my face, forcing me to look into a set of lovely green eyes.

  “You already got him. You got him. He doesn’t have any power over you. He never did. He is nothing. Nothing, compared to you, do you understand, Katie? He’s nothing.” He pulled me into his arms and whispered the last part into my ear as he crushed me into his chest.

  “Nothing, nothing, nothing.” Rocking me back and forth, he said it over and over. I was sure the cops were giving us strange looks, but they stepped back.

  “I hate him,” I whispered into his pounding heart.

  “I know, I know. I hate him too. The only reason I’m not killing him for you is because I’m holding you. You’re the only thing keeping me from making a big mistake and ending up in jail.” His voice shook a little as the cops talked back and forth about what to do. I knew from experience that I’d have to give a statement and so forth. It was going to be a long night. I wished I could rewind and go back to when I was so excited about my hair.

  Stryker held me for as long as it took for both of us to calm down enough that we didn’t both bolt.

  “Can I give my statement tomorrow? I’m really tired,” I said to one of the cops.

  He said something into his radio. “Are you sure? It’s best to get everything while it’s fresh in your mind.”

  “Oh, it will still be fresh tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure?” I appreciated his concern, but I couldn’t do it tonight.

  I nodded. “Yes. I just want to go home with my boyfriend.” I squeezed Stryker’s hand.

  “Okay, well just come in tomorrow when you’re ready. He’s not going to be bothering you anymore tonight.” He gave me his card and I thanked them for their quick response.

  We all stood silently in the hallway. Then Simon’s stomach growled so loud we all heard it.

  He blushed. “What? My stomach didn’t know there was a crisis. I can’t help it.”

  “Sorry guys,” I said, leaning against Stryker.

  “Are you kidding? What do you have to be sorry for?” Simon said. “I’m sorry about my stomach. Shut up stomach,” he said, tilting his head down as if he was talking to it.

  “Let’s go back home and order pizza. What do you think?” Stryker said.

  “Good idea,” I said, letting him lead me back toward the stairs.

  “If he ever lays a finger on you—” Stryker started to say.

  “He won’t. I’ll break his hands off first,” I said. “Nobody will ever make me feel that way again, least of all Zack.”

  I leaned my head on his shoulder. “That’s my girl.”

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Stryker

  She put on a brave front, but I woke up in the middle of the night to find her whimpering in her sleep. I was still on edge about the whole thing, so I wasn’t sleeping at all.

  “Katie, wake up.” I shook her shoulder and her eyes popped open.

  Looking left and right she searched for me. “Whaaa?”

  “You were dreaming, sweetheart. It’s okay.” She wiped her eyes and sat up.

  “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

  “Do you want some tea or something?” I’d do anything I could to try to make it better, or at least not suck so much.

  “Yeah, sure.” She closed her eyes and sat back, breathing as if she’d just run a mile.

  I made her some tea in the microwave and brought it back. She was messing with her hair.

  “I’m sorry I woke you,” she said as I handed her the mug.

  “You didn’t. I was already awake. I couldn’t sleep after…everything.”

  She sipped the tea and moved so she could lean against me. I put my arm around her and my chin on the top of her head.

  “I just feel like I’ll never be free of him. That he’s always going to be lurking in the back of my mind. He’ll be that thing I’m afraid of when the house is quiet and I’m alone and I let my mind go to a dark place.”

  I sighed, wishing I knew what to say, what to do to change it. But we all had our demons, and we all carried them with us. That was just part of life.

  “He’s always going to be a part of you, of your past. It happened and in the absence of a time machine to go back and change things, that’s always going to be the case. The only thing you can control is how you respond to it. There are so many people that wouldn’t be able to pick themselves up after what you’ve been through. Those people wouldn’t even bother to get out of bed, let alone give their heart to someone else after what he did to it. But you did. You do. Every day. And that’s all you can do. Be strong, move forward.”

  “You and me,” she said, turning to give me a kiss.

  “Even without me. You are strong, and you will survive. Always.”

  “But I’d rather do it with you.”

  I kissed her back. “Me too.”

  ***

  The alarm rang much too early, but I did end up getting some sleep, wrapped around Katie. Both of us had class, but we skipped to go make her statement. She figured that was a valid excuse, and I concurred. We also dodged calls and texts from the group, asking how we were, and we were somehow able to sneak past
Lottie and Zan’s new apartment without them being the wiser.

  “They’re so sweet, and they mean well. There’s just so many of them,” Katie said as we got back in her car after giving her statement.

  “I’ve never had this many people concerned about my welfare before. It’s stifling.” She nodded. “Hey, do you want me to drop you off at class?”

  She shook her head.

  “We’re just doing reviews in most of my classes, so I don’t really need to be there. What about you?”

  “Same.” A smile started growing on her face. “What did you have in mind?”

  “Just a little something. I’m going to be gone aaaallll weekend.”

  “I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down and I like it.” I smiled as she put her hand on mine on the shifter.

  We couldn’t get to the bedroom fast enough.

  Katie

  Mom’s reaction to my hair wasn’t nearly as dramatic as I expected. Before Dad died, it probably would have been. Her eyes just went wide and she sighed and shook her head like when I was little and I spilled something.

  I didn’t tell her about Zack showing up at my dorm, but she found out anyway through the grapevine. Her reaction to that was more intense. So much so that she installed a security system, including a motion detector that turned on the outside lights. I thought it was overkill, but with her living alone, it probably wasn’t such a bad idea.

  I emailed Kayla and gave her the low down, and she messaged back right away that she was coming home early for Christmas and bringing Adam, and that they were going to take some time off and stay with mom for a few months. At least until the next semester was over and I’d be home for the summer.

  Right. Home for the summer. I emailed Kayla back saying that was great. I had a whole other semester to figure out what I was going to do this summer. I’d worry about that later.

  The rest of the weekend I spent picking up on the slack, including paying bills and doing a few loads of laundry.