Sweet Surrendering Read online

  “I’ll go first. If I don’t make it, know that I love you and I hope you pine for me for the rest of your life. But first, one last kiss.” He kissed me and then strolled right out into the hallway and turned around, holding his arms out.

  “See?”

  And then my heart felt like it had been replaced with a bomb that was then detonated in my chest.

  “Mr. Blaine, I thought you would be at the board meeting.” Mrs. Andrews came out of my father’s office with his jacket. Dad was always forgetting his jacket. Then she saw me and I had never wished for a mysterious sinkhole to open under me and swallow me up as I had in that moment when I saw her putting two and two together.

  “We were just—“ I started to say.

  “We—“ Lucah tried to say.

  She started laughing. Like, throw-your-head-back, eyes-watering, beg-for-mercy-from-Jesus kind of laughing.

  Lucah looked at me and I just gaped at Mrs. Andrews as she gasped for breath and then wiped her eyes. She walked forward and patted my cheek like I was an amusing child.

  “Oh, my dear. I wasn’t born yesterday. Your secrets are safe with me.” She winked at Lucah and then walked to the elevator, humming a tune I didn’t recognize.

  “What the—“

  “I have no idea,” Lucah said, shaking his head as the elevator doors closed.

  So much for being stealthy.

  “She’s not going to tell anyone, right? I mean, the woman has known me since I was in diapers. She’s not going to expose us. Right?” Now I was the one pacing. Lucah and I had gone right to his place after work, mostly because I was freaking out and I needed to be alone. Well, alone with him.

  Lucah just watched me pace. I was still in my work clothes and I thought he liked watching me walk in heels. He had kind of a glazed look, as if he was picturing me naked and pacing in heels. I wish he would freak out more about this with me. It was uncomfortable to be freaking when your significant other was not freaking. It made me feel like I was freaking too much, which only made me freak out about freaking out.

  My life was exhausting sometimes.

  “Would pacing naked help? I know it would help me.” Yup, I called it. I whirled around and glared at him.

  He tried to look innocent. “What? I really think it would help give me some insight on the situation.”

  “And by ‘situation’ you mean my ladyparts.”

  He pretended to be shocked.

  “I am offended that you immediately jump to the conclusion that I only want you to pace naked for my benefit. That’s not giving me much credit.” He was trying to distract me and it was working.

  “You don’t deserve credit, Mr. Blaine,” I said, leaning over the back of the couch and wrinkling my nose at him.

  “She’s not going to betray us, Sunshine. From the way she talked, it seems as if she’s known for a while and hasn’t said anything. Stop worrying.” He pressed the spot between my eyebrows that I knew was all wrinkled up from stressing.

  “Well you don’t worry, so I have to worry for both of us.” He reached out, grabbed my arms and pulled me over the back of the couch and into his lap. I screamed and he started tickling me until I breathlessly begged him to stop.

  “She’s not going to tell. Trust me,” he said again. He must have thought that if he said it enough times I’d eventually believe it. “Now can we talk some more about the naked pacing? I don’t think we really discussed that fully.”

  Despite Lucah’s assurances that Mrs. Andrews wouldn’t narc on me to anyone, I was a WRECK when I went to Sunday dinner that weekend. Sweaty palms, racing heart, the whole nine yards. Whatever that meant. What the hell did that mean?

  “You’re going to be fine,” Lucah said, kissing the top of my head as I did my makeup in the mirror, interrupting my wondering about yards.

  “I swear if you say that one more time, I’m stabbing you with my mascara brush.”

  He just laughed and pinched my ass.

  “Be careful or you’re not getting any tonight.” I was full of shit and we both knew that. He just laughed and walked back into the kitchen where he was making dinner for one. It pretty much sucked that he couldn’t come to the dinner with me, but that completely defeated the purpose of hiding our relationship. We’d jokingly thought of scenarios where he could just happen to drop by and could join us, but there was no way to do it without making it completely obvious.

  He texted me when I was in the cab with a picture of himself sticking his pierced tongue out and it made me smile, but didn’t help with the nerves. I messaged him back and then it was time to face my parents.

  “You look pale,” was the first thing my mother said to me. Yeah, hiding my nervousness was going really well.

  “Oh, I’m just tired. I’ve been having trouble sleeping.” Because of all the sex I’ve been having with my assistant.

  “What about chamomile tea? That always used to work when you were younger,” Mom said as we sat down at the table. Somehow I didn’t think tea was going to help in this situation.

  “I’ll try that,” I said anyway. Mom swore by tea as the cure-all for everything. Upset stomach? Ginger. Can’t sleep? Chamomile. Need a jolt? Black.

  Luckily, Mom was full of details about the Black and White Ball, so I didn’t have to talk much. Dad seemed quiet, but he was probably just exhausted by Mom talking about the ball.

  “Has Sloane started your dress yet?” The second I’d mentioned the thing, Sloane had run to her drafting table and started sketching. She’d made at least five potential sketches and I’d picked one and she’d started working on it in her spare time. First she was going to make a dummy dress out of muslin to fit it to me and then we were going together to pick out the fabric. Maybe this year she’d actually take my input.

  “Yes, and it’s going to be black. We thought a white dress was way too wedding.”

  “Well, you should decide who you’re taking and see what color he wants so you can match exactly. I’d love to see both of you in white,” she said and I dropped my fork on the floor. Of course I’d taken Royce to the last Ball, which had been a Garden of Eden theme. I’d worn red and he’d worn a green suit. The apple and the snake. Yes, I knew it should have been obvious that the snake was inside the suit, but I was blind.

  “I don’t think I’ll be taking anyone.” I’d had years where I didn’t have a date. Granted, they’d been when I was a gawky teenager, but still. There was no rule that I had to have a date to the ball. This wasn’t a prom in 1953.

  “Oh, but you have to bring a date,” Mom said as if I’d suggested coming to the event naked.

  Dad cleared his throat.

  “She doesn’t have to bring a date, Eva. It’s not a social disgrace for a woman to be single at an event anymore.” See?

  “I know that, Walter. I just thought that she might have someone in mind that she could bring. Just as a friend.” A someone named Fintan Herald. I could see what was going on in my mother’s head as if I was watching a movie.

  Me, in a fabulous black gown. Fin, also in black. Our eyes meet across the crowded ballroom. Everyone stops and stares at my beauty as I walk in slow motion across the room to meet him. Our eyes lock as the string quartet starts a waltz and everyone moves out of our way as we glide across the floor. Everyone remarks about how lovely we look together. Fin compliments mean and I blush attractively and duck my head modestly. When the dance is over he gives me his arm and we stroll onto the patio and he spouts magnificent poetry and plucks a rose from the trellis and . . .

  “I don’t need a date. I’ve had a date for the past few years, and clearly, it didn’t work out for me. So I’m going alone.”

  Mom sighed as if I was the most defiant child ever but then she smiled as if an idea had struck her.

  “Well maybe you’ll meet someone there.”

  I looked at Dad and he just shook his head. You couldn’t stop Eva Clarke once she got started.

  “Or maybe I’ll trip, break my ankle and th
ere will be a cute paramedic that comes to my rescue,” I said with a smile as I speared a tomato from my salad and popped it into my mouth.

  “We can only hope,” Mom said.

  “So you would let me break my ankle just to meet a man?”

  She waved her hand as if I was being ridiculous. “Don’t be dramatic. You could just twist it and make it look convincing.” She looked down at her salad and I shared a glance with Dad. Insane. The woman was insane.

  Luckily, the heat was taken off of me as Dad started talking about politics and then he and Mom got in a heated discussion about the economy. I know most kids hated when their parents fought, but for them it was more like a debate between two fiercely intelligent people so I kind of loved it.

  I just sat back and watched the words fly, and sipped my wine while I calmed down. Lucah was waiting for me and I was pretty excited about that. You’d think after however many rounds of sex we’d had that we’d get bored, or one of us would stop having orgasms, but that wasn’t the case. We got each other off each and every time and it always felt new. There was no way this could go on forever. Sex wasn’t always that magical, not in real life.

  When my parents had finally agreed to disagree as they always did, it was time for dessert and I did whatever I could to get out of there without Mom bringing up the date business again.

  I succeeded and texted Lucah as the cab drove me back to his place. He just sent me back a smiley. I’d thought he was going to rub being right in my face, but he wasn’t that kind of guy.

  “Didn’t I tell you it was going to be fine? Why don’t you listen to me, Miss Clarke?” he said when I walked in. Or maybe he was that kind of guy. I just rolled my eyes and let him kiss me, but didn’t kiss him back.

  “Aw, did you think I would be above gloating about being right? Think again, Sunshine.” He winked and I stuck my tongue out at him.

  “You are definitely not getting any tonight,” I said, pulling my shoes off. I now had at least five pairs that had taken up residence at his place, but I didn’t want to bring too many and take over like some kind of shoe fungus.

  “That’s okay. I’m cool with cuddling. I’m going to cuddle you so hard.” He put his arms around me from behind.

  “Yeah, that’s why your dick is pressing into my ass. You’re that excited about cuddling.” I turned in his arms and he pressed further into me and against my will, I was getting turned on. Stupid libido.

  “I am crazy about cuddling. I’m going to cuddle my cock right into your—“ I put my hand over his mouth.

  “That is not cuddling and you must think I’m an idiot if you think I’m going to fall for—“ This time I was interrupted by him grinding his hips into me and turning me on further.

  “Fuck it,” I said, grabbing the back of his head and wrenching it down to meet mine. We could cuddle with his cock inside me. It was way more fun that way, anyway.

  Monday morning Mrs. Andrews gave me a wink as she walked by my office and I smiled back at her. I was surprised that she hadn’t told anyone. I mean, Dad was her boss and it was almost like she was lying to him. I wondered how many times she’d lied to him in all the years they’d worked together. Probably not many. I felt bad making her do it, so I stopped by her desk on my way to the break room for my second cup of coffee.

  “I just wanted to thank you for not saying anything,” I said in a low voice. Her desk was right where everyone walked by, so I didn’t want anyone to overhear.

  “Oh, you’re welcome dear. Mum’s the word.” She pretended to zip her lips and gave me another smile as she answered the phone. I guess that was that. I took my WORLD’S GREATEST BOSS mug and went to get my coffee.

  There was only one other thing that had been nagging me, but I hadn’t mentioned it to Lucah because I knew he would say that I was being paranoid again, and I didn’t want to have that discussion over and over and over.

  Mrs. Andrews knew about us. My friends knew. Yes, they knew me well and had seen us together, but were we that obvious? I’d thought we were being careful, but maybe love hung over you like a smell and anyone could spot it. Like B.O.

  But if that was the case, then why hadn’t anyone called us out? That was the only thing keeping me from saying anything about it to Lucah. Yes, I was the boss’ daughter, but there were plenty of people working here that would be more than happy to see me tossed out on my ass so they could have my job.

  So either my friends and Mrs. Andrews were just that perceptive or whoever knew about it hadn’t said anything. I thought about chatting up some of the other people and feeling them out to see if they were just keeping their mouths shut, but I’d probably seem really suspicious and then it would backfire.

  I was terrible at this covert relationship thing. I was much better at making a software presentation to a new client, or getting through a hundred emails in two hours.

  “Your messages, Miss Clarke,” Lucah said as I walked back to my office. He’d started listening to my voicemails for me, taking down the gist of each message and ranking them in order of importance. He really was damn good at his job. I wished he would have been terrible at it and then I could have fired him and we wouldn’t have to exchange dirty sticky notes, or have sex in the boardroom when everyone was gone and get caught as we snuck out.

  “Thank you, Mr. Blaine,” I said, being overly cordial. It was sort of our inside joke and it was almost sexier that way. Forbidden. Dun, dun, duuuuunnnn.

  Love made you crazy.

  I made sure to give him a quick thumbs-up to share that everything had been okay with Mrs. Andrews. He drew a smiley face and put it on the stack of messages. I had to stifle a giggle as I went back to my office.

  “I thought I would let you know that I will be absent this afternoon, Miss Clarke for several hours. I most likely will not be coming back to the office, so I thought I would let you know.” I looked away from my computer and across the hall at him, but he wasn’t looking at me.

  “Well thank you, Mr. Blaine, for letting me know so I don’t worry.”

  “You’re welcome, Miss Clarke.” He hung up and two seconds later another airplane sailed onto my desk. I hadn’t even seen him throw it and when I looked at his desk, he was typing like he nothing had happened.

  I unfolded the paper airplane and there was a note on it.

  Your boobs look great today.

  -Lucah

  I tore the note up and put it through my shredder just as my phone rang. I picked it up and didn’t even bother saying hello.

  “Didn’t like my note?” I fought a smile.

  “How old are you? You are a grown man.”

  “Grown men can’t use the word boobs?”

  “They shouldn’t.”

  “What am I supposed to call them? Mammary glands? Love pillows? Jugs? Hooters?” I burst out laughing and had to hang up the phone because I didn’t want anyone catching either of us talking about other words for boobs.

  I hadn’t had this much fun at work in my entire life, and Lucah was mostly responsible for that. Our banter helped the day go faster and when I was working on something I didn’t want to work on, he always found little ways to help out, or make me smile. Not that my job was bad before, but he just took it into awesome territory.

  I missed him that afternoon. I kept looking at his desk and he was missing and it kind of made me sad. Not that I was moping. Or pouting.

  But I did my work and got through the day and headed to my apartment to spend some time with Sloane before going over to Lucah’s.

  “Hey, do I know you?” Sloane said when I walked in the door. Yes, I deserved it.

  “I know, I know. I’m sorry.” She put her hand up and turned her head away from me.

  “Your words are empty. Here I am, using all my extra time to make the most beautiful dress for you and you can’t even be bothered to spend any time with the person you claim is your best friend.”

  “Sloane . . .” Uh oh. She’d been neglected and it was going to take a lo
t of groveling and doing things for her to get back in her good graces. There would be backrubs and chocolate involved, and probably some sort of girls’ weekend with no boys allowed. I was willing to make the sacrifice for our friendship. She’d done a lot for me, and I did owe her. I’d done what I promised never to do: let a boy come between us.

  “I’m sorry I let him take up all my time. You’re important to me, Sloane. Chicks before dicks, right?”

  “Well you’re gonna have to show me you mean that,” she said, slowly turning around.

  “Name it.”

  “Well, firstly you’re taking me out to dinner. Then you’re buying me a massage. And maybe after a shopping trip we can talk. But for right now, you can put on the new piece that I made for you today.” She finally busted a smile out and I knew that I would be forgiven. Sloane wasn’t one to hold grudges, unless they had done something against someone she cared about. Case in point: Royce. I was pretty much over him, but she still wanted to go and let the air out of the tires of his beloved BMW and then key it, in addition to a lot of other illegal things. Sloane had a twisted mind and I never wanted to be on her bad side. Her idea of revenge scared the crap out of me.

  “I can do all of that. Tomorrow night for dinner? This weekend for the shopping trip and massage? I’ll make an appointment for both of us. I could use one too.”

  “I’m sure your back is worn out from all the sex,” she said, not sounding bitter at all.

  “Hey, I’m not stopping you from getting laid.”

  “You’re not helping me at all. I work in an industry populated by bitchy women and gay men. You work in a building full of men. Smart men.”

  “Yeah, men who are good with machines and coding, but not good with people. I mean, not that all guys who are good with computers are nerds who can’t hold a conversation, but most of them are married, or aren’t single, or guys you wouldn’t want. Don’t you think I would tell you if I knew someone?”