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  As Gran pointed out the different varieties and hybrids, Declan told her about his grandfather’s garden, and which varieties they’d had and methods for getting rid of pests and before I knew it, they were deep in conversation and I was freaking the fuck out.

  When Gran had immediately disliked Declan, it didn’t surprise me. Bringing over a guy she didn’t already know (and therefore hadn’t evaluated) was a huge deal to her. He could have been a billionaire, but if she had never heard of him, he’d still have to prove himself to her.

  But Declan, wonderful Declan, was winning over my prickly, judgmental grandmother. He even made her laugh, which was a sound I hadn’t heard in months. Not that Gran was unhappy, she just wasn’t that much of a giggler and my sarcasm was lost on her. She considered it the lowest form of humor.

  By the time I said that Declan needed to get home (neither of us had mentioned Drake, which I needed to thank him for), Gran looked like she was ready to give him permission to ask for my hand.

  “He’s a good boy,” she whispered in my ear when I leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Bring him back.”

  “I will, Gran,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure if that was going to happen. It was easier to promise now and make excuses later if I had to.

  Declan leaned down and kissed her hand again and told her how lovely it was to meet her.

  “You come back and see me,” she said, holding his chin and staring into his eyes.

  “I will, Mrs. Walton.” Great, now we’d both promised. This was going to be a bitch to get out of in a week. But at that moment, all I cared about was getting Declan out the door.

  “She wasn’t that frightening, Blair. You had me worried.” Oh, he could say that now, but I’d seen his face earlier.

  “Shut up, you were pissing your pants when she yelled at me.” He scoffed. I just crossed my arms and stared at him as he turned onto the main road.

  “Perhaps I was a bit . . . all right. I was terrified of her. She is a frightening woman. But from your description, I expected her to look more haggard. Like a witch. But she’s beautiful.”

  I sighed.

  “I know. I want to be that pretty when I’m her age.” I peeled off the cardigan I’d worn to hide my tattoos.

  “You won’t be that pretty. You’ll be prettier.” First he buttered up my Gran, now he was buttering me up.

  “Smooth. Very smooth. God, I’m so glad that’s over.” I kneaded my shoulder, trying to rub out some of the tension.

  “Feel all right?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I’m always having to tone myself down when I’m with her. It’s a lot of work and it makes me tense up.” I slumped in my seat, finally letting go of my ramrod straight posture.

  “If you’d like, I could give you a back rub,” he said. I squinted at him.

  “Is this a way to get me naked again? Because you don’t have to promise a massage. I will totally have sex with you anyway.” If he wanted to pull over and bang me in the backseat, I’d be game. Best way to forget the previous few hours was to get naked with a sexy man.

  “No, I would never use a massage to get sex. Absolutely not. What kind of man do you think I am?”

  “The kind who wants to put his dick inside me.” He hit the button for the automatic windows and turned on the radio.

  “Well, I wouldn’t say no to that offer.”

  “Where have you been?” Raine said when I walked through the door a while later. Despite the offer of sex and massage, Declan had to get home, so he’d dropped me back at my place.

  “Out with Declan, why?” She had tears in her eyes and her cell phone held up to her ear.

  “Here she is. Yes. Hold on,” she said to whoever was on the phone before taking it away from her ear. “Um, your mom called when you didn’t pick up your phone.” She held the phone out to me and my skin prickled. This wasn’t good. All signs pointed to this not being good.

  I wanted to ask Raine to tell me, but she just shoved the phone in my face and wiped at her eyes.

  “Hello? Mom?” My voice shook.

  “Blair, thank God. You have to get here right away. It’s Gran.” My body started shaking and Raine rushed to hold me up.

  “What? What are you talking about? I just left her.”

  “She had a stroke. Her neighbor just happened to come over to return something and found her. We’re at St. Mary’s. She’s stable right now, but you should come. They don’t know if she’s going to make it. Hurry, Blair.” Words. So many words she’d thrown at me, but none of them made any sense. I’d lost the ability to understand spoken English.

  “Blair? Are you there?”

  “I’m here,” I replied automatically. “I’m here.”

  “Look, baby, I have to go, but you need to get here okay? Just get here.”

  Raine was the one who pulled me up off the floor and shoved me downstairs and into the passenger seat of her Toyota Camry. Raine was the one who drove like a maniac to get to the hospital, risking getting yet another speeding ticket. Raine was the one who led me to the front desk of the hospital and asked which room my grandmother was in.

  And she was the one who shoved me in the door.

  “Blair!” My mother rushed at me, gathering me up in her arms. Her figure would be more like mine, but she’d had surgery to ensure that it wasn’t. But a scalpel could only do so much and she’d put on some pounds.

  Those were my only thoughts as she hugged me and started sobbing on my shoulder. Dad came over and pulled her off me, giving me a brief hug. He, on the other hand was tall like a stalk of corn, looking down on just about everyone else. His embrace was soft, and not as desperate as Mom’s.

  When they’d finished embracing me, they moved aside and I saw Gran as I’d never seen her before. Lying in bed, strapped to machines. She had a tube in her throat and a machine pumped air into her lungs. She couldn’t even breathe on her own anymore. The woman who refused to stop driving, even when my parents took her keys away, couldn’t breathe.

  “Hello, Raine,” Mom said, giving her a hug as well as I moved toward Gran’s bed. Just a few hours ago I’d been quivering under her scrutiny and now here she was. Flat on her back and no one would be intimidated of her. All I wanted was for her to sit up and start ordering everyone around and telling them how to do things.

  Her hair fanned out on the pillow, taken down from its coiffure. She’d be so angry if she knew people had messed with her hair.

  Given the circumstances, hair wasn’t the biggest issue, but I could just hear her voice in my head, telling me that a woman’s hair was her crowning glory.

  “Hi, Gran,” I said, reaching out and touching her hand. The one that didn’t have a tube coming out of it. Her hand felt fragile now. Skin as thin as the pages of the books I wrote. That gave me an idea.

  “Gran,” I said, leaning close. “This probably isn’t the best time to tell you this, but Raine and I have been writing romance novels. And yes, they’re exactly the kind of romance novels you think they are. But we’ve made a lot of money and I’m really good at it. I just . . . I wanted you to know. Your granddaughter is a famous writer, Gran.” I waited for some response that she’d heard me, but the only movement was from the machines and the steady rise and fall of her chest.

  “Don’t go, Gran. I’m bringing Declan over next Sunday. You said you wanted to see him again.” My voice cracked and I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks and drop onto the thin sheet that covered Gran.

  “It’s good to see you, Blair. Even given the circumstances,” Dad said, putting his hands on my shoulders. I leaned against him, taking strength in his calm energy and his height. Dad and I had always gotten along well, and I regretted not visiting him more. Mom tended to be the one that kept me away.

  “Is she going to be okay?” I said, whispering even though I didn’t think Gran could hear. But I didn’t know that for sure. Maybe she’d wake up and reprimand me for writing smut. For the first time in my life, I would welcome it.

  �
��We don’t know. Only time will tell. But she’s had a long and full life,” he said.

  She had, but it still seemed like too early for her to go. I couldn’t imagine a world that Gran wasn’t in. She was legendary and constant. A pillar of our family. If she were gone, would we all crumble?

  The doctor arrived and gave us an update, which wasn’t an update at all. Basically, until she woke up (if she did), they wouldn’t know the extent of the damage. Moments after the doctor left, Pearl, my father’s sister arrived with her husband John and their passel of kids. Right on their heels were Dad’s brother Gerald and a few other relatives who’d just gotten the word.

  Gran’s room became busier than Grand Central Station and the nurses shooed everyone out into the hallway to give Gran some peace. She would have loved to have everyone in her room. So many people for her to boss around and criticize and reprimand.

  There was much discussion about what was to be done, and I tuned most of it out. Gran would hate that there were all these people who were talking about her without consulting her feelings.

  “You okay, babe? I mean, of course you’re not okay, but can I do anything?” Raine said, hugging me around the middle.

  “Thanks. I feel kind of floaty. Like this is a dream or something. I don’t feel present. Is this a movie?” It kind of felt like one, but if my life were a movie, I’d probably have some attractive male actor as the doctor. Oh, and my Gran would be fine.

  “Aw, I’m so sorry this is happening. I wish there were something I could do.” I knew she did, and I knew if she could do anything, she would. That was one of the great things about Raine. She’d do anything for me and I’d do anything for her. Maybe we should be platonic life partners.

  It was still touch and go with Gran, but nothing was happening right at the moment so I had to decide if I wanted to go home or stay. My parents were staying, and I didn’t know if the stress of Gran being sick plus the stress of being near my mother was worth it, even with Raine as a buffer.

  “You don’t have to stay, dear, we’ve got this under control and we’ll call you right away if anything changes,” Mom said, and part of me wanted to stay just to spite her, but that would only lead to us arguing and that wouldn’t do anyone any good.

  “What do you think?” I asked Raine as she brought me a cup of crappy hospital coffee.

  “Honestly? I don’t want to tell you what to do—”

  “But you’re going to anyway, because this is one of those times when I want you to,” I said, interrupting her.

  “I think we should go home, let you get some sleep and then you can come back tomorrow. I’ll come with you. We could even bring our laptops and work in the waiting room so we won’t miss a beat.” That wasn’t a bad idea, and I could probably give my parents some sort of excuse as to why we had our computers. They knew that I had some secret life I wouldn’t tell them about, but they were too polite to pry about it.

  “Yeah, okay. I am tired and I think I just want to go be in my own bed and sleep for a little while.” I rested my head on her shoulder, even though I had to bend down to accomplish it.

  “Come on, let’s go home.” I said goodbye to my family and we headed home. I nearly fell asleep in the car.

  “I wish I could carry you inside, but I don’t know how well that would go,” Raine said, rousing me.

  “It’s okay, I can walk,” I said, sitting up and undoing my seatbelt. I had to lean against the car as a wave of exhaustion crashed over me. As if I’d lived a thousand days in just a few hours.

  “Do you want some tea or something?” I just nodded and stumbled toward my bed, not even bothering to take my date clothes off.

  Declan. Oh how I wished I was still eating fried calamari with Declan, or playing with Drake in the park.

  “Here you go babe, I made chamomile,” Raine said, handing me a steaming cup of tea and sitting on my bed with me. “Don’t you want to put some PJs on?”

  “Yeah, but I’m too tired to move.” She got up and pulled out my favorite pair, a loose sweatshirt and matching pants that I wore like a uniform when I was sick. There were definitely benefits to living with your best friend.

  “Want me to dress you?”

  “No, I can manage,” I said, pulling my shirt over my head and then taking my bra off once I’d gotten the sweatshirt on. The pants followed and I felt a fraction better wrapped in the comforts of the clothes.

  “Is there anything else I can get you?”

  “No, I think I’m good. Thanks, Raine.”

  “What are friends for?” She kissed me on the head and then softly closed the door. I barely finished the tea before I fell into a sleep so deep, it was almost like death.

  A tap on my shoulder finally roused me the next morning. Or was it morning?

  “Blair? You phone is ringing. It’s your mom.” The phone hadn’t woken me, so Raine had had to take matters into her own hands.

  “Do you want me to talk to her?” I cracked one eye open and nodded. I wasn’t ready for my mother yet.

  “Hi Camille. Yeah, she’s exhausted. How is everything going? Oh. Okay. Uh huh. We’ll be there. Bye.” I found the energy to open my other eye and roll onto my back to look at Raine. She hung up and gave me the phone back.

  “She hasn’t woken up, but they still want you there in case. Are you ready to go, or do you want to sleep some more?”

  “I just need to shower, I think, and then I’ll be ready.”

  “Do you want some breakfast? I can make some pancakes.”

  “If I don’t say it enough, I love you.”

  “I know,” she said with a wink before she headed to the kitchen and I headed to the shower to try to wake the hell up.

  It was going to take a hell of a lot more than a shower to get me feeling good again. Even the pancakes that Raine made with blueberries she’d found in the freezer couldn’t do the trick.

  “You still look tired. Sorry,” Raine said as she packed up our laptops.

  “No, I am tired. I feel like I slept forever, but it didn’t do me any good.” She gave me a sympathetic look and slung her bag over her shoulder.

  “Well, on the bright side, we might get some good ideas in the hospital. We could write our next book about a sexy doctor.” Now that wasn’t a terrible idea.

  “Or maybe we could flip it and write it about a female doctor and a guy who has a thing for female doctors,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

  “Love that idea.” We talked more about doctor stories on our way back to the hospital and I was grateful something else to think about for a little while.

  “Do you think I should call Declan and tell him? I mean, he’s texted me a few times, but I haven’t answered him back.” I felt like I wanted to tell him, but it also seemed weird. I guess I’d told him about the library fire, but this was different. Still, I needed to give him a reason why I would be MIA for a while. And he had met Gran.

  “Yeah, I think you should. But definitely call him. I mean, you don’t text ‘hey, my g-ma is in the hospital, lol.’ It just seems wrong,” she said.

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t text him like that. No one should ever text like that.”

  “Agreed.”

  You busy?

  I didn’t want to do this, but I needed to tell him why I was going to be MIA for a while.

  In a meeting.

  Crap, I’d been afraid of that. I hated to bother him at work, but I didn’t think this could wait.

  Can I call you later? Something I need to tell you.

  I hoped he didn’t take that the wrong way, so I sent a quick follow-up text.

  It’s not about us. Just something in my personal life.

  He responded quickly.

  Oh, good. Free at 1:30. Speak with you then.

  Good enough.

  Ttyl.

  Of course the first thing my mother commented on was how rude she thought bringing our laptops to the hospital was.

  “You’re here to see your grandmother and you
can’t stop getting on the Facebooks for one day? Honestly, Blair.” I decided not to point out that it wasn’t called “The Facebooks” and just said that I was doing something for work. Not a lie.

  Mom shook her head at me.

  “How is she doing?” I said, getting to the more important matter at hand.

  “The same,” Dad said. “But the longer she’s out, the, ah, lower chances that she’ll recover fully.” He didn’t have to tell me that. I wasn’t stupid. Random medical knowledge was another occupational hazard. Raine also had a thing for weird diseases with long names and was constantly trying to fit them into our books.

  “Why don’t you go in and see her?” Raine said, taking the bag with my laptop in it. “I’ll go get set up.”

  “Thanks, babe.” She headed down the hall and I went into Gran’s room. Mom tried to follow me, but Dad held her back.

  “Hey, Gran. How are you doing?” I wasn’t that great at bedside conversation, but it probably didn’t matter that much.

  “So, um, this really sucks, you being hooked up to all these machines. Sorry for my language.” The apology came out automatically. “Yeah, I just . . . I want you to get better. I really do. I can’t imagine not seeing you every Sunday. I can’t imagine you not being there to tell me to sit up straight and to take smaller bites and to speak like a lady. Please stay, Gran.” I touched her hand, stroking the soft skin.

  There wasn’t much else I could do, so I leaned down, gave her a kiss on her cheek and headed to find Raine.

  Leave it to Raine to find an attractive doctor and pull him into conversation. When I headed down the hall to the lounge, I found her laughing and touching the arm of a man who looked a hell of a lot like her ex, but wasn’t. Yeah, she was totally over him. I’d believe that when I saw it.

  I cleared my throat and they both looked up.

  “Oh, Blair, this is Dr. Caltrop.”