Deep Surrendering (Episode Three) Page 4

  “Definitely a classic,” I agreed.

  By the time the movie ended and Humphrey Bogart had said goodbye and put Ingrid on a plane, I was fighting to stay awake. I should have gotten some coffee with my food.

  “Here, lay back,” Fin said in my ear, raising his arm so I could lay on his chest.

  “I’m sorry. I probably should have slept last night instead of staying up with you. But it was worth it,” I said around a yawn.

  “Was it?” he asked and I raised my head and gave him a look like he’d lost his mind.

  “Absolutely. Every minute spent with you is worth it. Every single one.”

  His chest rumbled with a contented sigh and he stroked my shoulder right below where the sleeve of my t-shirt ended.

  “You can go to sleep if you want. Just close your eyes,” he said, and his voice worked like a drug. My eyes finally shut and I curled into him.

  “I’ll be here when you wake up. Promise.”

  The first thing I heard when I drifted back into consciousness was the scrape of pages of a book being turned. I cracked one eyelid and saw the book right next to me, along with a strong hand that held it.

  I opened my other eye and blinked a few times. How long had I been out? The room was bathed in sunshine, the curtains thrown open.

  Fin shifted under me, sensing I was awake.

  “Good morning, Mari Cherry.”

  I lifted my head and met his glorious blue eyes.

  “Have you been here all night?”

  His lips formed a smile and he nodded, clearly pleased with himself.

  “Yes. I was. The whole night. Well, I did get up to use the bathroom and to get some of my books. But other than that, I’ve been next to you the whole time.” He beamed at me with such a sweet boyish smile that I couldn’t resist giving him a kiss, even though I hadn’t brushed my teeth.

  “Shit, what time is it?” I asked, remembering that I actually had somewhere to be.

  “Just after seven. I would have woken you in another few minutes. Or maybe not. You seemed so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  “Really?” I said, peeling my cheek from his shirt. “You’re sure I didn’t drool, or make weird noises, or do anything else embarrassing in my sleep?”

  “Nope. You looked like an angel the entire time.”

  He was so full of shit.

  “You’re lying, but I’m okay with that,” I said, poking him in the ribs and stretching out. Ouch. I had a crick in my neck and my ear was killing me from sleeping on his chest. Still, it was kind of worth it to wake up with him.

  He put a bookmark in his book and set it aside.

  “Breakfast?” he asked.

  I nodded and extricated myself from him.

  “I really need to shower.”

  Fin leaned down and smelled the top of my head. “You smell good to me, but if you want to shower, go ahead. I’m not going to stop you.”

  I got up and tipped my neck to the side, trying to loosen the knot that had formed in my muscles.

  “Damn, I forgot all my shower stuff though. I can use yours, right?” I’d remembered a toothbrush, thankfully.

  “Sure, use whatever’s in there,” he said, going back to his book as if I was bothering him. “I’ll have breakfast ready when you get out.”

  “Okay.” I thought about saying something else, but he seemed absorbed in his reading, so I just walked toward the bathroom and opened the door.

  I’d been in here before, but I still had to remind myself that I wasn’t walking into a magazine. In addition to a huge shower with multiple showerheads, he also had a large tub with jets and his and hers sinks. Funny that he had two sinks yet never had a woman over who would use the other one.

  Until now, I guess.

  I stripped out of my PJs and stepped into the shower. I scanned the shelf and found a bottle of my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. The exact same scents and brands I used, hanging out right next to Fin’s collection.

  I shook my head at him and turned on the water, getting a cold blast right in the face. What a way to wake up.

  Sputtering, I fumbled for the handle, but an arm that wasn’t mine got there first.

  “Too cold?” A voice said in my ear, just before something brushed my back.

  “Cold?” I definitely wasn’t cold, and it had nothing to do with the temperature of the water.

  Fin pulled my body into his, brushing my hair over my shoulder as the now-hot water pounded down on us. Pressing my hands against the wall of the shower, I waited to see what he’d do. He’d said he didn’t get naked when he had sex, but he was definitely naked right now. All I wanted was to turn around and run my hands all over him and kiss him and taste him. Everywhere.

  Sex was definitely going to happen. His dick pressed into my back, and I wondered if he’d take me slow or if he’d surprise me. My skin itched with anticipation. All I wanted was to turn around, but I didn’t dare.

  But then his hands ran through my drenched hair and I heard him pick up the bottle of shampoo and pop the top. Moments later, his hands were working my hair and the shampoo into a lather.

  I closed my eyes as he massaged my scalp and I leaned back against him.

  His hard-on wasn’t going anywhere, but he seemed intent on getting my hair clean first. As he rinsed it, he used one hand to shield my eyes so the soap didn’t drip into them. So considerate.

  I didn’t turn around, not even when he worked conditioner into the ends of my hair before piling it on top of my head and securing it with a clip.

  “It’s says you should leave the conditioner in your hair for at least two minutes for the full effect,” he said, leaning down to speak in my ear. “But what can we do in two minutes?” Wrapping one arm around my waist, he lifted me until I was on my tiptoes, positioning himself before lowering me onto his dick. The penetration was shocking in its intensity, and if he didn’t still have an arm around my waist, I might have pitched over and crashed into the shower wall.

  “Let’s see what we can get done in two minutes, shall we?” He drew his hips back and then plunged into me again, nearly lifting me off my feet. It was as if he was trying to tear me apart.

  “Touch yourself,” he commanded, and I took one hand from the shower wall and put it between my legs, rubbing right above where his body met mine. I was fully awake now. More awake than I’d been probably ever.

  “Make yourself come. I know you can. Come for me, Marisol.” It didn’t take long for the pressure between my legs to build and burn through my veins.

  “Not yet, not yet,” Fin chanted in my ear, and I brought myself higher, higher, higher…

  “Now.”

  I let myself go as Fin thrust inside me, shattering me into a million bright pieces of light.

  He pumped into me a few more times and then came, and for the first time, I realized he wasn’t wearing a condom.

  “You feel so good,” he said, sliding out of me. Some of his cum dripped down my leg.

  Still in the afterglow of the orgasm, it took me a few moments to get properly worked up about the fact that we’d just had unprotected sex.

  “You didn’t use a condom,” I said, turning around, not caring that the water was getting into my eyes. I shivered with a little aftershock, but fixed him with a glare, trying not to look at his chest and lower.

  “I … I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to feel you against me with nothing between us.”

  I shook my head. That wasn’t good enough. Keeping my eyes fixed on his face was hard when his naked body was in view and I’d wanted to see it so much.

  “You can’t do that, Fin. You can’t just make decisions about my body without my consent.” Yes, I had let him take control of our sexual exploits, but I drew the line at this.

  His hair dripped into his beautiful eyes and I told myself that I had to stay angry at him so he’d understand the seriousness of what I was talking about.

  “You don’t know if I’m on the pill, or if I’v
e been tested. Did you think about that? Not to mention you didn’t ask me.” We stared at one another, deadlocked. I wouldn’t look down, I wouldn’t look down…

  He wiped his hair out of his eyes.

  “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “No, you weren’t. And I think I need to finish my shower alone, thanks.” He just nodded and left the shower, closing the door behind me and leaving a dripping trail of footprints in his wake. I didn’t watch him go. I turned my back.

  I stayed in the shower for a long time, but the hot water didn’t run out. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to be late for class, and I didn’t want that. So I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself.

  My clothes were folded on top of one of the sinks, along with my hairbrush, my toothbrush, and all the other things I’d packed to get ready for the day.

  Looking around the cabinets, I found a hairdryer and plugged it in, concentrating on getting my hair dry, one bit at a time.

  Once that was done, I got dressed and did my makeup. At last I didn’t have anything else to do in the bathroom, so I had to leave. I opened the door that led to Fin’s bedroom slowly, but I didn’t need to worry. The room was empty.

  In fact, there was no evidence of Fin at all. No clothes on the floor, or towel, or Fin himself. The bed was even made.

  I left the bedroom and wandered through the rest of his apartment, all the time knowing where he’d be.

  “What are you reading?” I asked, leaning against the back of the couch and peering down at him. He lay back on the couch so if I hadn’t looked over the edge, I wouldn’t have seen him.

  He held up the book so I could read the title.

  “Lord of the Rings?”

  He nodded. “I’ve seen the movies. But I never read the books.”

  He put a bookmark between the pages and closed the book. He was fully-clothed again, and it was much easier to talk to him now.

  “So. You took your clothes off,” I said.

  “I did.”

  “That was a first.”

  His lips formed a thin line and he nodded.

  “Were you scared?”

  He bobbed his head once.

  “Yes.”

  I walked around the couch and motioned for him to move his feet so I could sit down. I was definitely going to be late now, but this was more important at the moment.

  “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t look. I was too pissed at you in the moment, and I knew if I looked down I’d lose my anger and let you fuck me again. And again.” All day. I would have let him fuck me all day in that shower until we’d used all the water in Boston.

  “You didn’t look?” He seemed surprised.

  “No, I didn’t. I was also afraid you’d spank me for looking. Not that I wouldn’t have enjoyed that.” In the moment, a little spanking never hurt anyone.

  He peered at me through his eyelashes. “You enjoy it?”

  This time I nodded, my face flaming.

  “I told you, I don’t do anything with you that I don’t want to. Except for that one time when you screwed me without protection. I didn’t like that so much.” Fortunately, I was on the pill and recently had a pap smear and everything was clean.

  “I’m very sorry about that. I should have asked you, and I should have known that it wouldn’t be okay. I don’t know what came over me.” He set his book aside and crossed his arms over his chest. His hair was still damp and curled on his forehead.

  “Oh, I’ll tell you what came over me. The same thing that didn’t throw you out of the shower when you came up behind me. Lust. You want me, I want you. It’s an age-old cycle and we’re not the first people to go through it.” And we wouldn’t be the last.

  “I do want you. So much that I want to bend you over the couch again. And then push you up against the bookshelves. And then take you on the floor. Maybe in the kitchen. I want to fuck you on every surface of this apartment, and it’s a very large apartment. But I don’t just want to fuck you. I want to…” He seemed at a loss for words.

  “I want you to call my name when you come. I want to see the look in your eyes when I give you pleasure. I want to lay with you afterwards and talk. I want to open you up and crawl inside you and live in you skin. I want to be a part of you.”

  Now I was at a loss for words.

  “But I also want to tie you up. And hear you beg me to take you. And do a lot of things that I don’t want to tell you about. I want to own you.”

  My skin flashed hot and cold and back again. I wanted those things. All of them. He wouldn’t tell me what else he wanted to do with me, but I didn’t care. I wanted it. Wanted him. All of him.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t give you a secret before I took you in the shower, so this is it. My secret is that I want everything with you. Fucking and making love.”

  I’d always hated the term “making love.” It seemed like the kind of thing that belonged in cheesy movies and not in real life.

  But when he said it? Yeah, I was okay with that. More than okay.

  “I really need to get to class,” I said. “I’m sorry. That’s a weird note to end on. I wish I could stay and we could talk longer. And don’t you have to get to work?”

  He got up and set his book back on the top of the pile, which had shrunk since last night.

  “I called and cancelled my meeting this morning, so I don’t have to go in for a few hours. Carl can drive you, if you’d like.”

  That would save me having to pay for a cab and walk to campus. Maybe I could even convince him to stop somewhere so I could get breakfast.

  “If it’s not too much trouble, that would be great. Thank you.” I got up and we stood with about a foot of space between us. He had the look of someone who really wanted to say something but didn’t know if he should or not.

  “I’ll miss you. And are we on for tonight? Shit, I can’t tonight. I have a candle party I have to host. But I can probably get out of there around eight?” Curse that candle party. I had been looking forward to it, but now I wasn’t. Still, I needed the money.

  “That’s fine. We should probably have a break from each other. Maybe learn some self-control. Me, not you,” he said. A shadow of a smile drifted across his face and I stepped closer, drawing my hands up and putting them around his neck.

  “Hey,” I said. He’d retreated again. His mind must be an interesting place. I pictured it a bit like the enchanted forest, filled with beautiful and dark things you’d never seen before. And if you weren’t careful, you’d get lost and never find yourself again.

  “I’m so sorry, Marisol. I’ve treated you badly and I wish I could reverse time and make some different decisions. I seem to make the wrong ones when I’m with you.” There was a smile.

  “Well, I haven’t made the best ones with you, either. And if I don’t leave right now, I’m going to make another bad one and skip all my classes, which would be a terrible idea since I skipped last week.” I raised myself on my toes and he leaned down and met my lips in the middle for a quick kiss. It was sweet and over too soon.

  “Go,” he said. “I’ll be waiting for you and thinking of you.”

  “Me too. Oh, and thank you for last night. It was perfect.” He took my hand and walked me to the door and then down to the front of the building, where Carl waited, standing next to the car, as if his only goal in life was to drive me to class.

  “See you later?” he said, squeezing my hand and kissing the top of my head.

  “See you later,” I agreed, and gave him another kiss before turning and getting into the car as Carl held the door open for me.

  I’d thought a mental break from being with Fin would be good. When I was with him, it was hard to think straight and see things with any rationality.

  In FinLand, common sense took a backseat to lust. Not the best environment for thinking.

  I threw my mind into my classes, but little things kept r
eminding me of him. A book, or the color of someone’s shirt, or anybody with shaggy dark hair. A million little things made me think of him. Or I’d see something funny, something silly that only he would find amusing, or odd, or interesting.

  Trying my best to shut him out, I focused on one task at a time, but the day crawled by. My reprieve came at noon when I had lunch with Chloe.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ten years, and I know it hasn’t been that long. But it feels that long.” She took a bite of her Reuben sandwich and chewed.

  “It really hasn’t been that long. I guess I’ve just been distracted.”

  “By peen. You’ve been distracted by peen. I get it, I get it. Actually, I don’t get it, but I do. You know?”

  I took a bite of my meatball sub and gave her a look. She wasn’t making any sense, but I knew exactly what she was saying. That was the power of friendship.

  “He’s so complicated and frustrating, and the second I think I’ve figured him out he does something completely…” I was at a loss for words again.

  “Well, you have only known him for a few weeks. If he ran out of ways to surprise you now, it would be a pretty dull relationship, right?”

  She had a point. If Fin was predictable, I don’t know if I would be as willing to keep seeing him.

  “But I hate surprises,” I said.

  “No, you say you hate them. But really, you love them. The thrill of the unknown. It’s why people watch scary movies and have sex with strangers. You never know what you’re going to get.”

  I didn’t know about the sex with strangers part, but I understood the scary movie bit. Well, not really. I hated scary movies, just like I hated surprises.

  “No, I really do hate them,” I said.

  Chloe just kept arguing with me and finally I decided to change the subject.

  “Okay, enough about me and surprises. What’s new with you? How’s work?”

  “Fuck work. I hate work.” You’d think being the manager of a spa would be relaxing, but she was constantly stressed. Usually it was due to her employees having conflicts or stealing clients from one another. Chloe had more drama to deal with than a high school principal.