Sweet Surrendering Page 26

  There was nothing I could do about my puffy eyes, so I wet a paper towel with cold water and put it under my eyes for a few minutes. A few other women came and went, and some stared at me and some made sympathetic faces and others just glared at me for taking up space in front of the mirror.

  Why couldn’t I cry like girls in the movies? Even if those bitches were sobbing, they always looked cute doing it and their eyes were never red afterwards. So many people said they wanted a man from a movie, or a house, but I wanted to cry like girls in the movies. That would be great.

  The cab ride back to the office didn’t feel long enough and when I walked into the office, I wanted to turn right back around and go home.

  My head hurt from the crying and my heart was torn to shreds and I just didn’t give a fuck about work right now. But I straightened my jacket and walked to the elevator.

  Lucah wasn’t at his desk when I walked by it. There was a note on the edge of it.

  Had a meeting. Be back later.

  -Lucas Blaine

  He couldn’t put more detail in it in case someone walked by the desk and saw it, and he signed it with his alias.

  His alias. I really hadn’t sat down and thought about that. How many times had he done that? How many names had he had? How long had he been doing this corporate investigator gig? How did he get into it?

  Even after that massive letter, there were still questions, but I couldn’t talk to him. I was actually relieved he wasn’t here, because then I didn’t have to shut my office door.

  I checked my phone and saw all the missed calls and texts. The last one was explaining that he had to meet with the Board of Directors and give them his evidence and what he’d found. I stared at the message for so long I didn’t hear someone calling my name.

  “Rory?” It was Mr. Craig. Ugh, not now. I did not want to hear about his stupid car, or his stupid golf course or his stupid summer home in Bora Bora.

  “Oh, yes? Sorry, I guess I’m busted.” Cell phones other than for work purposes were prohibited. I tried to laugh casually, but it sounded deranged, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “I just wanted to know if you father had left any files with you? I needed something in one of them.” I stared at him blankly for a second and then remembered that Dad had left me some files. I really needed to get my shit together if I was going to get through the rest of this day.

  “Oh, yes, sure. They’re right here.” I handed him the stack of files and he thumbed through them.

  “Thank you very much, this is just what I needed.” He was absorbed in the files and kept staring at them as he left my office. Guess I wasn’t the only distracted one.

  When I finally got home after the longest day in the history of long days, Sloane was waiting right by the door with a glass in her hand.

  “Don’t say anything, just drink.” Usually we had wine, but this was hard liquor. And I tipped the glass back and swallowed as it burned down my throat. I wasn’t going to ask what was in it.

  “I needed that. Thank you.” I took my drink and walked to the couch as I shucked off my heels. Sloane grabbed a glass, joined me and waited for me to speak.

  “He wrote me a letter. This big long letter telling me all these things about his life and his past and things I didn’t know and he talked about losing his parents and Sloane . . . I . . .” I had to set the drink down because I was going to lose it again and I didn’t want to spill all over the floor.

  “Oh, honey.” She pulled me into a fierce hug and let me cry some more. Couldn’t I be done with the crying? At this point, I had no idea where the tears were coming from, or what they were for. My emotions were on overload and something had to give.

  “And even though he lied and he wasn’t who I thought he was, I still fucking love him. I love that son of a bitch,” I said through my tears.

  “Of course you do, Rory. That’s what unconditional love is.”

  “But I don’t want to love him,” I said as she handed me a tissue so I could blot my running nose. “I want to hate him. I do, a little, but not enough to stop loving him. I mean, he didn’t cheat on me, he didn’t do anything technically wrong. He was just doing his job and he didn’t choose to fall in love with me. Asshole.”

  Sloane laughed and I glared at her. This wasn’t funny.

  “I’m sorry! I can’t help it.” I smacked her in the arm, but I could feel a smile starting on my face.

  “Are you done being dramatic now? Ready to build a bridge and get over it and have fantastic makeup sex which may or may not cause you to get knocked up with a ginger baby?” Well, when she put it that way . . .

  “No. I still need some time to think and process. I have no idea how this is going to work. I mean, he’s not in the CIA, but his job would make things kind of hard. What about the next time he goes somewhere? I can’t follow him. My life is here. He’s a gypsy and I’m not. This is home to me. I can’t imagine living anywhere else but Boston.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Sloane said as if she knew a secret that I didn’t.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Honey, that boy is never going to leave your side. Where you go, he will follow. Like a puppy.” I gave her a look.

  “What? It’s true. Wherever you go, he’ll find you.”

  “Now you’re making him sound like a stalker.” She shrugged.

  “Stalker, boyfriend. Kind of the same thing.” Uh, no. Not really.

  I got up and threw away my disgusting tissues and tossed back the rest of my drink while Sloane made me another. I kept staring at my phone, waiting for him to call, or text, or anything, but it was silent.

  When I finally went to bed, I was still staring at my phone. I couldn’t sleep, so I just scrolled through Lucah’s texts. I could almost feel the desperation in them, and I finally decided to call him.

  He picked up right away.

  “Hello? Rory?” Oh my GOD, I’d missed his voice and it had only been a few hours since I’d heard it.

  “Yeah, it’s me.” He let out a breath and I did the same. It was such a relief to finally be with him, even if it was just on the phone.

  “Did you read my letter?” he asked.

  “I did. Three times.”

  “And?”

  “And it made me cry and fall in love with you and hate you and wish I’d never met you and then thank God that I did and want to call you and punch you and kiss you and fuck you.”

  He didn’t say anything right away.

  “Can you come downstairs?”

  I sat up.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been outside your building trying to talk myself into going up for about two hours, and if I’m not careful, I’m going to get arrested for acting like a creeper.” I vaulted out of bed and ran from my room to the elevator. It didn’t matter that I was wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top and no bra or shoes. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have my key to get back into my apartment. I ran through the lobby, out the front doors and right for him, diving into his arms. Luckily, he was ready and he caught me. I wasn’t the only one wearing their pajamas. We were a matched pair.

  “Oh, Sunshine,” he said before our lips locked and I never wanted to let him go.

  Now, having sex on the sidewalks of Boston was generally frowned upon, but Lucah and I were pretty close to going ahead with it anyway.

  “Come home with me,” he said into my mouth.

  “Okay,” I said and he waved his arm for a cab before he picked me up in his arms. “I don’t want you to hurt your bare feet,” he said as he put me inside. The cabbie had probably seen a whole lot weirder things than a girl wearing her pajamas and no shoes. Lucah gave him the address and then pulled me onto his lap and held me close while he kissed me. His hands started moving under my clothes and I didn’t care there was a cabbie just a few feet away.

  I let him touch me and it was the best cab ride ever; even better than the first one, when I’d “kissed�
�� him.

  He carried me out of the cab and through the empty lobby of his apartment. He didn’t even set me down when we were in the elevator. I was worried about him getting tired of holding me, but he didn’t seem to mind. I didn’t know if this was because I wasn’t as heavy as I thought I was, or maybe he was just really strong.

  My feet didn’t touch the ground at all, even when he unlocked his door. He’d mastered the art of holding me and using his key at the same time. This was a valuable skill to have.

  Instead of throwing me on the bed, he set me down slowly, as if he was afraid I was going to break. He was rarely this gentle with me, and it was almost like he was hesitant. Like I was going to run away if he pushed too hard.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I said as he lay down over me, careful to hold the majority of his weight with his arms.

  “You’d better not, Sunshine,” he said, giving me another light kiss. What the crap was up with that? “Remember that first night when I said we would take it slow? Well, we never did, so I think tonight is going to be a slow night. We are going to make this last.” I had a feeling he was talking about more than just the sex, although I was fine with making that last too.

  “Make it last. I like that,” I said as he started kissing from my lips to my cheeks and then down the side of my neck. Soft kisses, barely there kisses that were somehow just as thrilling.

  Inch by baby inch he kissed his way down my body, all the way to my feet before he lifted my shirt an inch and kissed my stomach. Then another inch. By the time the damn shirt was close to my breasts, I was wound so tight that I was ready to lose it.

  I got frustrated when I tried to touch him and he wouldn’t let me. I pouted and he just laughed.

  “Slow. We’ll take care of you first, Miss Clarke.” I guess I couldn’t argue with that, really.

  Once I was completely undressed, he sat back on his heels and stared at me, shaking his head. The suspense was killing me.

  “What’s the face for?” I fought the urge to cover myself with my hands, or at least move a little. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen all of it before, but when someone looks at you like that and you are naked at the same time, you FEEL naked.

  “I’m just trying to freeze this moment in my mind so I never forget it. I never want to forget how I feel, and how you look, right here, right now. Naked in my bed and ready for me.”

  “I am ready for you. I’ve been ready for a while. Not that I don’t love slow, but can you go slow while you’re inside me?” I reached for his boxers, and he was about ready to bust right out of them.

  A slow smile spread on his face and I swore that his eyes darkened.

  “You’re the boss.” He pulled a condom from the band of his boxers and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You are always prepared, Mr. Blaine.” Then I realized that wasn’t his name, and then I realized it didn’t matter as he slid inside me and I put my legs around him and we joined together.

  His name didn’t matter. His past didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except that we were perfect together.

  We were anything but slow and we both finished quickly as we threw everything into each other, into this moment.

  “I missed you, Lucah Blythe,” I said as my back arched and I came.

  “I missed you, Aurora Clarke,” he said moments later.

  We both rolled onto our sides and I kept him inside me.

  “We suck at slow,” he said, stroking my back.

  “That probably means we should try again.”

  He grinned and shifted his hips and I knew it would only be a few minutes/short time before he could go again.

  “You called me Lucah Blythe.”

  “It’s your name, silly.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “To mangle Shakespeare, a Lucah by any other name would be as sexy,” I said and he rolled his eyes at me.

  “That poor man is rolling over in his grave right now.” I shrugged one shoulder. Right now I didn’t give a fuck about Shakespeare.

  “Oh, shit I hope Sloane isn’t wondering where I am,” I said when the sun came up the next morning. We’d stayed up all night talking, laughing and fucking. I called him by his real name over and over and he beamed every single time.

  “You might want to text her,” he said, but I realized I didn’t have my phone. I’d tossed it on my bedroom floor in my hurry to see Lucah.

  “Use mine,” he said when he realized I didn’t have mine. I texted Sloane that it was me using Lucah’s phone and that we were busy making up. She just texted back a bunch of really suggestive emoticons. I deleted the text before giving the phone back to Lucah.

  We’d made up, we were on the same page about wanting to be together, but now the question was how the hell that was going to work.

  “So are you done with what you needed to do now?” We’d avoided this topic for the most part. I also hadn’t asked him if my Dad knew. I just couldn’t go there yet.

  “Yes, I am. So that means I’m supposed to sever all ties, get rid of my cell phone and disappear without a trace.” My heart jumped into my throat for a second.

  “But that’s not what you’re going to do. Is it?”

  He looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

  “Did I not just spend the entire night telling you that I was never leaving you again? You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. You’re stuck with me.” He was still inside me, so technically this was true at the moment.

  “But what about your job? Your corporate spy job?” I liked thinking of it that way.

  “I’m not a corporate spy. I’m a freelance corporate investigator,” he said and finally pulled out.

  “But what about it? How . . . how is that going to work?”

  “Well, it’ll work because I’m going to quit. I’ve been tired of doing it for a while, but the money was too good and I didn’t have a reason to stop. Now I do. You.” He tweaked my nose and I willed myself to believe it was true.

  “Really?”

  “Really with extra really on top.” It couldn’t be that easy. He’d done so much to hide this from me and it was all working out too easily.

  “You’re just going to give up your job? Just like that?”

  He nodded and snapped his fingers.

  “Just like that.”

  “So you’re going to give up your job and stay here in Boston with me.”

  “If you want me to.”

  Well of course I wanted him to. I wanted to move in with him and then someday get married and make ginger babies. I saw it flash in my mind and I could picture it for the first time in my entire life. When I’d thought about my future when I was younger, I’d always pictured myself in an office with a beautiful desk. I’d never dreamed of wearing a wedding dress. Not that I didn’t imagine getting married, but the pictures were always blurry and hazy, and there was never a guy.

  Love made you picture your wedding with the man you were lying in bed with, and it felt right.

  “So it sounds like you need a job, Mr. Blythe,” I said, moving some of his hair out of his face. It was all over the place and fucked to perfection. Mine was probably pretty spectacular as well, but it didn’t matter in the slightest.

  “I do need a job, Miss Clarke.”

  “Well, I don’t know of any place where there are any available jobs, so I can’t help you out with that,” I said with a completely serious face. “So I guess you’re shit out of luck, Lucah Blythe.”

  “I guess I am. Maybe I’ll become a gentleman of leisure. That would be quite pleasant.” That brought up another question.

  “Do you have a lot of money?”

  “Sunshine, don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask people that?”

  I didn’t answer and just waited for him to confirm or deny. His apartment was better than mine, and he had the very best tailored suits and his watch was definitely not cheap. Nothing about Lucah was cheap.

  “Yes. I have a lot of money. Probably not as much as
you do, but yes. I have a lot for someone my age. I could do without a job for a while and still maintain my lifestyle. But I’d rather work for my money. I was born with nothing, so everything I have, I worked for.”

  I suddenly felt cold. I didn’t think he meant to imply that I’d had everything handed to me, but in the back of my mind, a little voice told me he did.

  My face must have fallen.

  “Oh, Sunshine, I didn’t mean you. You’ve worked hard to get where you are. Yes, you have had advantages other people haven’t, but it would have been so easy to just rest on your laurels and coast. You didn’t.”

  “What does that mean? Is a laurel a plant? Why would that be a good place to rest?” I said, completely derailing what he was trying to say.

  “I have no idea, but did you hear the rest of what I said?”

  “Yes, I did. Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  It was officially morning and it was officially time for me to get my butt to work.

  “I have to go to work. So I’m guessing you’re not going to be there with me?”

  “I can’t. It would raise too many questions. Until arrests have been made, which should happen in a week or so, I have to vanish. My desk will be cleared out and there will be no trace of me. So. I will be here waiting for you when you get back.”

  I started to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let me go.

  “Um, I need to go to work. You have to let me go.” His arms didn’t budge.

  “One last kiss.” I let him kiss me, but then his hands were going in places that weren’t going to allow me to leave the bed, so I pinched his nipple and twisted and he yelped while I made my escape, diving for the shower before he could catch me.

  I jumped in and a second later he joined me.

  “You’re not going to let me go to work, are you?”

  “No, I will. I just want to savor my last few minutes with you, and I’d like to savor your body and those sounds that you make when I touch you,” he said, using his hands to follow his words.