Sweet Surrendering Page 24

  Don’t let your head get too big or you won’t be able to hold it up.

  That earned me a snarky text back and then my phone rang and there was an issue with a PowerPoint presentation and I had to go figure that out. I swear, PowerPoint was created by Satan to ruin lives.

  I got the problem sorted out and that afternoon I had to put on my nice face and present to some potential new clients. I had my favorite heels on and I was confident in my material, and the best part was that Lucah got to come watch me.

  His eyes were locked on me the entire time and it gave me even more confidence. I could have done the entire thing naked and rocked it out. Afterwards they shook my hand and said how impressed they were with someone so young. Dad beamed and told them I was his daughter. Lucah gave me a wink and I couldn’t tell who was more proud, him or Dad. I was floating on post-presentation high and I wanted nothing more than to pull Lucah away and screw him somewhere, but that was completely impossible. Hopefully I could hold out until tonight.

  He called me the second I got back into my office.

  “I am so fucking proud of you and you are so fucking amazing and I wish I was fucking you right now, and I’ve said fuck too many times but I feel it is warranted in this situation.” He hung up and I did a fist pump and he pretended to clap. Then we had to stop because there were people walking by.

  I was beaming the rest of the day. Things were actually going well. Lucah and I were ridiculously in love, all my friends were coming to the ball, we’d potentially just made a multi-million dollar deal and Mrs. Andrews was keeping our secret.

  Something had to go wrong soon to balance things out. Not that I was cynical, but it was my experience that when things are perfect, that’s when reality comes and bites you in the ass and reminds you that life isn’t like that. It’s a series of ups and downs and the downs sometimes come when you least expect them.

  “What do you think?” Sloane said as she zipped up the side of the dummy dress. We were at her studio because she had better mirrors and she could make alterations on the spot.

  I turned slowly in front of the three-way mirror and then stopped. This was not a dress. This was something else entirely.

  “You’re not saying anything,” Sloane said, her eyes bugging out from lack of sleep and too much caffeine and anticipation. “You hate it. It’s too much. Will you just say something?!”

  “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and this is just the mock up. I just . . . I mean, look at it.” The top was a bodice with a sweetheart neck that made my boobs look lush, but not like they were busting out and then the skirt . . . oh, the skirt. The bodice dipped into a V and the skirt started just at my hips and flowed out, but not in a cupcake way. There was an underskirt and so forth to help it stay out, not that it needed any help. This was a Ball Gown.

  It was like Sloane had sculpted the dress out of some sort of non-fabric substance. I moved in it, but it didn’t lose its shape, and it wasn’t heavy at all. That might change when we got the real dress done, because the fabric would probably weigh more, but damn.

  I felt like Scarlet O’Hara coming down the staircase at Twelve Oaks while Rhett Butler ogled me in front of everyone.

  “You are the absolute bestest friend in the entire world, Sloane. I would hug you, but I don’t want to hurt the dress.” Her face finally burst into a smile and she crushed me in her arms before picking me up and whirling me around once.

  “It’s just the practice dress, it doesn’t matter. I could make another one in my sleep. I’m so glad you like it. I wanted it to be spectacular.”

  “Mission accomplished, Sloane. Really. Lucah is going to lose his mind.” I couldn’t wait to see it.

  “Speaking of him, what is he wearing? Black or white?”

  “He won’t tell me. Since I won’t tell him about my dress, he refuses to tell me about his tux. I mean, I know he’s gonna look sexy, but I kind of wish I knew what color it was.” I’d been trying to use my feminine wiles to get it out of him, but no amount of blowjobs would get him to tell me. He could keep a secret, but I knew that already.

  Sloane helped me out of the dress and I put my work clothes back on. I’d come straight from the office and I was heading home to order food before Lucah came over. Sloane was so busy making ball gowns that she’d spent the last few nights at the studio so Lucah and I could have all the dirty screaming sex we wanted at my apartment. It was lovely.

  “Have you told your parents yet that you’re bringing me? She said as she wrestled the dress back on the dress form.

  “Uh, not yet. I don’t think Lucah has told them about the two dates thing, either. I mean, it’s going to look a little weird that he’s bringing my friends. We didn’t consider that when we originally made this plan, so breaking the news is going to require some finesse on both our parts. I definitely don’t have it, but maybe I can borrow his. I mean, it’s not like Dad doesn’t know that Lucah and I get along, and maybe I used him as a reason to get my friends to the event and had had to agree because I’m his boss. I think that’s the way I’m going to play it.” I’d thought about this a lot. It seemed that spare moments in my life were spent trying to come up with feasible stories for my interactions with Lucah. It was a better hobby than knitting.

  Lucah was late, but he texted me letting me know he had brother drama again. I kept picturing a snotty little kid throwing tantrums, even though I knew his brother was twenty-three. Lucah still hadn’t given me physical descriptors, so I built an image of him in my head that was probably completely wrong.

  He finally walked in and he was in a mood that I didn’t think any amount of sex or cuddling or anything else was going to lift, so I took his hand, led him to the couch and made him sit.

  “Talk to me. That’s an order, Mr. Blaine.” I thought he was just going to shake his head, but he didn’t.

  “I don’t know what to do, Rory. I’m out of ideas. Short of planting drugs on him and calling the cops, I’ve got nothing.” He put his head in his hands.

  “All he does is get himself into trouble. It’s a wonder he hasn’t gotten arrested yet. Seriously, it’s a fucking miracle. He always seems to find a way to get out of it. He’s smart, and he knows it. I just wish he’d find something constructive to do with it. He seems bent on destruction right now, but he’s not a kid anymore. He’s an adult and I’m thinking about just telling him that I’m done until he gets his shit together.” I had no idea what to say or do to make it better, so I just sat there and listened.

  “I know he’s broken up about Mom and Dad, but he was having problems before that. I don’t think he’s addicted to drugs, but maybe rehab would help? I just don’t know what to do.” He finally lifted his head and I’d never seen him so anguished before. It absolutely broke my heart.

  I reached out and pulled him into my arms and held him. That seemed to be the only thing to do, since I didn’t have any magical solutions. I stroked his hair as he breathed and I could tell he was on the verge of tears. It was an intense thing, seeing someone break down like that. It only made me love and ache for him more.

  “Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do. I just feel awful.”

  “I know. I’m sorry that I’m dumping this on you at all. I didn’t mean to, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Tate has pretty much cut ties with him so Ryder burned that bridge already. I don’t blame him, because he has the girls to think about, but it’s just hard sometimes.”

  “I know, I know. We can talk about something else if you want.” He sat up and his eyes were red, but dry. “Tell me about your parents,” I asked tentatively. I expected him to shut me down, but he didn’t.

  “We were poor. I mean, not that we didn’t have enough food, but there were times when we ate cereal dry for dinner because that was all we had in the house. My dad was a good man, but he had the worst employment luck ever. He’d get a good job and then the company would go bankrupt, or it would burn down, or he’d get laid off when the jobs
went overseas. It happened so often that Mom kept an emergency fund for when he was out of work. She had health problems, so she couldn’t really keep down a job. We lost our house a more than once and had to live in a one-bedroom apartment for a few months one summer. But Dad made it like we were having an adventure, so he strung a tarp up in the living room and we got to pretend we were camping.” He smiled at the memory and I was shocked. I had no idea that Lucah had grown up like that.

  It made me think about my own upbringing and how lucky I’d been. Not that I ever forgot, but when you heard someone else’s story, it really made you think about your own life.

  “The only way out was school, so I did the best I could so I could find a way out. I remember seeing a man in a suit, and he drove a beautiful car and looked like he had the world at his feet, so I made the goal to be a man in a suit. And here I am.”

  He smiled and his mood did seem a bit lighter.

  “I dressed as my dad for Halloween when I was three. I insisted on using his briefcase, even though it was almost as big as I was and I had to drag it on the ground behind me. It was a really expensive briefcase and when I came home with it full of candy, and all dirty, he just laughed and said it was mine now. I didn’t really have any concept of what he did, but I knew that was what I wanted when I grew up.” When other little girls had been obsessed with their astronaut and princess Barbies, Dad had gotten me one that was probably supposed to be a secretary. Instead, he told me she was CEO Barbie and he somehow found a doll-sized desk for her, and I made her hold meetings with all my other dolls and stuffed animals.

  Yes, I was an only child and didn’t have a lot of friends.

  We talked more about our childhoods, and even though they’d been so different, there were so many things we had in common. Childhood was pretty similar no matter how you grew up, I guessed.

  I was hungry and ready to order food, and Lucah seemed better.

  “Thank you, Sunshine. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Same here.” We smiled like idiots at each other and I realized something else. Yes, I loved him, but not just in a romantic way. He’d become one of my best friends. Even if we never had sex again, I would miss his presence in my life if he were gone. I couldn’t get rid of him now, even if I wanted to.

  “You’re my favorite,” I said as he pulled me to my feet and then into his arms.

  “You’re my favoritest of favorite things,” he said.

  We didn’t talk any more about his brother that night, but I wanted to make it a regular thing for us to talk more about growing up and our pasts. I still felt like there was so much I didn’t know.

  “I’m not good at opening up,” he admitted, at last, the next morning as we showered together. If we didn’t hurry, we were both going to be late.

  “Why Lucah, whatever do you mean?” I said, rinsing the shampoo from his hair so it didn’t get in his eyes. My shower was enormous, which was one of the reasons I’d fallen in love with this apartment. There was nothing worse than trying to be sexy with a guy in a shower that was too small.

  “Yes, I deserve that.” I squirted some conditioner and ran it through the ends of his hair and he did the same with mine. I’d taught him well by now.

  “It’s self preservation, most of the time. And fear. Fear that if I open up to people they won’t like what they see.”

  “You’re silly,” I said, making his hair into a mohawk. “Why wouldn’t someone like you?” I was sure there were people, but they weren’t anybody I would want to be friends with anyway.

  “There are a lot of people that are not fond of me, Sunshine. It’s a longer list than you could imagine.”

  “Okay, now I’m intrigued,” I said as he tipped his head back to rinse the conditioner out and then we switched places so I could do the same.

  He laughed but didn’t elaborate.

  “Hey, don’t leave me hanging like that,” I said, but he just shook his head and started massaging my back as the hot water pounded down on me. That felt amazing, and even though I knew he was using it as a way not to continue our conversation, I was going to let him. I could ambush him later when he least expected it.

  We ended up both getting to work on time, but as soon as Lucah sat down on his desk, he pulled his phone out and looked at it, frowning. He quickly typed something and then waited for a response. I figured it was something about his brother so I tried not to eavesdrop by staring at him and turned my computer on while I started to figure out what I had to get done immediately.

  My phone rang and I answered it without looking to see who it was. Before I could say hello, I hear Lucah’s voice.

  “Listen, there are some things I need to take care of today, so I need to leave. I’m so, so sorry, but this has to get done.” I looked across the room and he really did look sorry. It absolutely totally and completely sucked and I wasn’t thrilled, but I also wasn’t a total bitch.

  “Are you sure you can’t tell me what this is regarding?”

  “I wish I could, but I can’t.” I was getting really tired of hearing him say that over and over, but it wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

  “Okay. Okay. Just . . . just be careful and I’ll see you later. Bye.” I didn’t wait for him to say anything. I needed to get off the phone before I said something that I couldn’t take back. I wrote a smiley face on a sticky note and put it on top of some files and went to drop them off on his desk without saying a word. I hoped he wasn’t mad at me, but I could only take so much.

  “I want to take you out somewhere,” he said that night as we lay in bed. We’d pushed aside the unpleasantness of earlier. I’d spent the day completely stressed out that he wasn’t there, and wondering where the hell he was and what he could possibly be doing and if maybe I should fire him, and then that would solve everything. But then I knew it wouldn’t, so I resigned myself to doing nothing again.

  “Where?” We’d never actually gone out just the two of us, other than the Museum day. I think both of us were worried about being seen together. I didn’t seem to be the only paranoid one on that front.

  “I don’t know. Don’t care, really. Just want to go somewhere with you on my arm so everyone will see my girl.” Aw, well that was just adorable. I wanted people to see me with him, too.

  “How about dinner? I know that sounds so typical, but it would be fun with you. And the movies? We could sit in the back and mock whatever it was.” This was one of our favorite things to do together now when we found a crappy movie on television. Mock the crap out of it.

  “Perfect. How did you know that was exactly what I would pick?”

  “I’m psychotic,” I said with a serious face.

  “I think you mean psychic, Sunshine.”

  “Yeah, that too.” He just shook his head at me. Hey, he was the one who wanted to be seen in public with me. You could dress me up but you couldn’t take me out.

  “So when is this going to occur?” I asked as he rested his head on my stomach. He didn’t seem to mind that it wasn’t exactly flat. Probably was more comfortable on his head that way.

  “How about tomorrow night?”

  “You’re not going to be disappearing again, are you?” I didn’t mean to say it, but it came out anyway.

  “No,” he said, kissing my belly button. “I think the disappearing is going to be slowing down. Hopefully. I have my fingers crossed.”

  This was news to me, but good news.

  “Will you tell me what it was? Someday?” I asked.

  He let out a breath.

  “Maybe someday.” That wasn’t enough of an answer, but I’d have to take it.

  “How about here?” Lucah and I stopped outside of another restaurant. We’d decided that we wouldn’t pick a place beforehand, because it was more fun to walk around and then decide together. More spontaneous, too. I had a few favorite places, but I wanted to try something new.

  The restaurant was lit with a soft glow, and all the walls were brick. I
t looked semi-Italian and cozy.

  “Perfect,” I said as he opened the door and I walked through. We were seated in a corner booth, and it was kind of quiet, which was great. Soft music played through hidden speakers, and I was reminded of the spaghetti scene in Lady and the Tramp. I bet if I asked him, Lucah would reenact it with me, but I wasn’t going to ask him to. That would be silly.

  “I would pull your chair out for you, but seeing as how it’s a booth, I can’t really do that. But I would. If I could.”

  “You’re forgiven,” I said, reaching across the table and patting his arm.

  The waiter came and we ordered garlic knots for an appetizer and a pizza with the works, and a bottle of cheap red wine.

  “Shit,” he said.

  “What?” He looked like he was reaching for something under the table.

  “You’re too far away for me to grope. I was hoping to feel you up during dinner, but I can’t reach.” Something touched my knee, but couldn’t go much further.

  “Stop that. You don’t have to grope me in public,” I hissed at him.

  “But I want to grope you in public,” he said and he was almost pouting. Impossible. He was impossible. The waiter came back with the garlic knots and I tried to smack Lucah because he was groping my knee now and it tickled.

  “Stop that,” I hissed when the waiter left us again. He just smiled and grabbed one of the garlic knots and dipped it in sauce, but he did stop touching my knee. I took one of the garlic knots and dipped it in sauce as well.

  “No double dipping,” he said as I took a bite and went to put it back in the sauce.

  “Are you serious? I have had your dick in my mouth. I don’t think double dipping is that big a deal.” He was opening his mouth to argue when a female voice invaded our little bubble.

  “Tyler?” If she hadn’t been standing right beside our table, I would have just ignored her, but she was and she was staring at Lucah like he was a ghost. She was tall and leggy and dressed like she was going clubbing in a silver skintight dress. A definite glamazon.