Sweet Surrendering Page 19

  “We have a few positions open at Clarke. I mean it’s nothing glamorous. The mail room, billing. If he wants to come in for an interview, I could set it up. Just a thought.”

  “Thanks, Sunshine, but I don’t want to put you in that position. Plus, I don’t think Ryder would last a day in an office. He’d probably end up jumping out the window and taking off. Trust me, he’s done it before.”

  “He jumped out a window?”

  “Yeah. It was on the first floor, but still.” There had been days when I wanted to go out the window, but since my office was so far up, I would end up dying and I wasn’t that desperate.

  “So am I ever going to get to meet this elusive brother?”

  “I don’t think so. Not right now. Maybe sometime. He’s just . . . a lot to take.” Had he met Sloane?

  “I think I can handle it, but it’s up to you.”

  “Thanks. Now, have we talked about enough other things that we can go back to the drunken phone call I received from you last night?” Crap. Fuck. Hell, crap, fuck, Jesus.

  “What phone call?”

  “Nice try, Sunshine, but I know you remember and I know you don’t want to discuss it; but since you said it, I feel the need to say something too.” He took a deep breath and I cut him off.

  “I was drunk. You don’t have to say anything. I . . . I didn’t mean to say it like that. I didn’t want to say it, but there it is. I wish I could go back and unsay it, but I can’t, so there it is. But I don’t know if I’m ready to say it sober yet. Which doesn’t make any sense.” I was rambling again and I wasn’t even drunk. I waited for him to say something.

  “I love you, and I’m completely sober and I’ve wanted to say it for a while now, but I didn’t know if you’d say it back.”

  It shouldn’t come as a shock to me when he said those three words, but hearing them in his voice was a whole different thing than I thought it would be.

  “I’m not ready to have your ginger babies. But I love you.” I said it in a whisper, as if it was less true if my voice wasn’t that loud.

  He sighed.

  “I wish I was with you right now.” I wanted to reach through the phone, grab him and pull him into my room. Why hasn’t science made this possible yet?

  “I wish you were here.”

  “I can come over.” Even as he said it we both knew it wasn’t possible. It would look too suspicious if we were both out, and I wasn’t willing to risk it.

  “No, you can’t. Not right now, but you can later. After work.” It killed me to say that, but I had to.

  “Why must you be the voice of reason, Miss Clarke?”

  “Because I’m your boss. And you’re my sexcretary.”

  “We’re going to have to talk about that. I think we need to have some more trade off nights. I have some more dirty uses for office supplies that I want to try out.”

  Mmm, that sounded really, really nice. As long as staples weren’t involved. Ouch.

  “We’ll talk later. I’m going to go shower because I’m pretty gross right now.” I sniffed my armpit and was actually glad that he wasn’t here to witness it.

  “You’re never gross, Sunshine. Or at least you’re not gross to me. But I’ll see you later. As long as my brother doesn’t have a disaster between now and then.”

  “I’ve got my fingers crossed,” I said and then wondered how we were supposed to end our phone conversations now.

  “Am I allowed to end this conversation by saying that I love you and I’ll see you later?” he said.

  “You’re asking my permission?”

  “Not really. I was going to say it anyway.”

  “Well, I’m not going to stop you. I love you, too.” I almost had a giggle fit after I said it and it made my toes curl under thinking about seeing him tonight.

  I set the phone down and fell back against my pillows with a happy sigh. And then my door flew open and Sloane came barreling across the room and jumped on my bed with a scream.

  “You totally love him!” She pulled me up on my feet and started jumping on my bed and I had no choice but to jump with her with.

  “You love him!”

  “I know!” We jumped until we were both out of breath and I was worried about the structural soundness of my bed.

  “I’m sorry, I just felt that needed to be celebrated.” She held up her hand and I smacked it with mine.

  “Now that you’re in love, you’re not going to turn into a disgusting sap that I can’t stand to be around, are you? Because then I will have to vagina punch you.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to become any different than I already am. I mean, I was sort of in love with Royce. Or at least I thought I was.” I hadn’t been, even though I’d told him the words. This felt completely different. Love with Royce felt . . . obligatory? Love with Lucah was something I couldn’t control, and something I didn’t want to control. Loving him was letting go. Surrendering.

  I didn’t want to make Sloane leave when Lucah came over, so she decided to make us dinner and then vacate so we could have some “ooey, gooey lovey sex”, according to her. But she wanted to officially spend time with my “lover” so she was going to force us to eat dinner with her. I knew there was no point in arguing, so I said it was fine and sent Lucah a text so he wouldn’t be thrown off when Sloane attacked him, as I knew she would.

  He said he was okay with it, so he must really love me.

  Sloane buzzed him up while I was getting ready, and beat me to the door.

  “Hey, lover boy! Come on in. Any lover of Rory is a lover of me.” That probably didn’t sound the way she meant it, but she didn’t seem to care. Lucah just smiled and let her hug him.

  “I am so sorry in advance for anything that she says. I am not responsible for her, as you well know.” I pinched Sloane and she yelped.

  That was just payback for her kicking me all those times. I hoped she had marks.

  “I think I can handle it. Hi,” he said, turning his attention to me and letting the sweetest smile pass over his lips. When he spoke I saw the metal flash of his tongue barbell. How I loved that thing and what he could do with it.

  “Hi,” I said and he gathered me into his arms and pulled me off my feet.

  “I wanted to get you something, but everything I found seemed silly, so I went with this,” he said, handing me a small box that he’d set on the counter.

  “Oohh, what is it?” Sloane said, leaning over my shoulder. Yeah, that wasn’t annoying at all.

  “Well, I don’t know yet because I need to open it.” I reached through the tissue and pulled out what I determined was a paperweight shaped exactly like my favorite red shoes. There was also a coffee cup that said WORLD’S GREATEST BOSS on it. Ha, I didn’t know he was a fan of The Office.

  “And I am now realizing the present is silly anyway. There are also some sticky notes in shoe shape in there as well.” He was blushing and it made me laugh.

  “It’s so sweet, Lucah. Thank you. I love it. This is a million times better than flowers.” Now I would always have a little piece of him on my desk and no one would know. That was the best part.

  “I never knew office supplies could be so adorable, but this is really cute, Ginger. Also, nice brown nosing. Well done.” She really had to stop calling him ginger. I gave Lucah a kiss right in front of Sloane and she made cheering noises and then a pot started boiling over on the stove and she had to go tend to it as I led Lucah to the couch and sat down with him.

  “So you like it? You’re not just sparing my feelings. I swear, I can take it.” He pulled me into his lap and I stroked his hair. I loved this hair and the man it belonged to.

  “I love it. Really. If it sucked, don’t you think I would tell you?”

  “Yeah, you would.”

  “She would,” Sloane called from the kitchen. I took the paperweight out and set it on the table and stared at it.

  “I love you.” Now that I’d started saying it, I didn’t want to stop. Those three litt
le words were like little bits happiness that seemed to want to spew out of me at random times. It was like I was a love spaz.

  “I love you, Sunshine.”

  “Okay, enough, we get it. Get a room before I throw up in your dinner,” Sloane said.

  “You wouldn’t dare,” I yelled at her and she make puking noises until I got up and threatened to beat her to death with a wooden spoon. Lucah just watched us like we were some sort of comedy show and then started clapping.

  “You two should really have your own show. It would be a hit.” I glared at him and he stuck his tongue out at me and then I had to look away because he was turning me on and I was waiting until Sloane left to have any kind of “coffee”.

  Dinner was actually fun. Sloane didn’t tone herself down at all, which was actually a good thing. No sense in toning it down only to shock him later. Throw him to the wolves now.

  “Well, dessert is in the oven, and I have some things I need to take care of at the studio, so the place is yours for the night. Have fun, sex monkeys,” she said, and sauntered out of the apartment, blowing a kiss as she left.

  “I like her,” he said when the door shut.

  “Well, if you like her so much, then why don’t you marry her?” I said, teasing.

  “She’s not my type. I like blondes who wear red shoes and are in positions of authority and have secret piercings. That’s my idea of the perfect woman.”

  “Hate to break it you, Ginger, but I’m not the perfect woman.” He was definitely the perfect man, though.

  “I can think you’re perfect if I want.” He threw me on my back on the couch and then climbed on top of me.

  “Fine, you can think I’m perfect,” I said as he kissed behind my ear, making me tingle all over.

  We didn’t remember the dessert until the smoke detector started going nuts.

  “At least we know it works,” I said as Lucah and I waved brooms in front of it to dissipate the smoke from the now-black cheesecake.

  “Sloane is going to kill me. Or maybe you for distracting me so much.”

  “I am prepared to give my life for yours, my lady love,” he said in a dramatic fashion as the beeping finally stopped. We both breathed a sigh of relief, but then there was the black cake to think about.

  “We could just eat it,” I suggested.

  “I will if you will.” It wasn’t a large thing, only about five inches round, but it was pretty gross looking. I got out two forks and handed him one.

  “One, two, three!” We both grabbed a bite and shoved it into our mouths.

  And proceeded to run for the sink and spit it out.

  “Oh my God, it’s like zombie cheesecake,” I said, rinsing my mouth out as he made the most hilarious faces I’d ever seen.

  “Zombie cheesecake?”

  “Like cheesecake that died, was buried and then rose again from the dead.” I shuddered and stared at the offending cheesecake.

  “There’s only one thing to do.” I found a garbage bag and tossed the thing in it and Lucah and I made a trip down to the Dumpster.

  Since we didn’t have dessert, we just got to the sex faster. I’d started keeping condoms and plenty of lube and so forth in my nightstand drawer, but as Lucah went in for a condom, he found something else I forgot I had put back there after using it the other day.

  He pulled out Mr. Buzzy and raised one eyebrow at me.

  “What? You’ve never seen a vibrator before?”

  “Oh, no I have. I just didn’t know you had one. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Why, are you jealous?” If he was jealous, I was going to be pissed. Men and their stupid fragile egos.

  “Hell no. I’m just mad that I didn’t know about it earlier, and that you would be cool with using one.”

  “So you’re cool with it?”

  “That’s an understatement,” he said, trying to turn it on. “Show me how you use it.” I grabbed the batteries from the drawer and put them in.

  “You want to watch me?”

  “Once again, understatement. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and can get it for herself. Show me.” Well, if that was what he wanted . . .

  I put Mr. Buzzy through his paces while Lucah watched and it was the single sexiest moment of my life. He was mesmerized and I felt like a goddess as he watched me. I loved it and I loved him. When I came, I called his name anyway, and he took Mr. Buzzy away from me and entered me with one sharp thrust and I felt like I had been destroyed in that one moment.

  “I. Love. You. So. Much. I. Almost. Can’t. Stand. It.”

  “Same. Here,” I said as we both came again.

  I realized that there was a buzzing in my head aside from the afterglow, but it wasn’t ecstasy. Mr. Buzzy was still going nuts on my floor from where Lucah had tossed him.

  I rolled over, picked him up and turned him off.

  “You’re amazing, and someday, you’re going to teach me how to use that on you.”

  “Sure thing.” I patted him on the shoulder.

  We lay together quietly for a while, and I had to bring up something that had been burning in the back of my mind.

  “What are we going to do about work?” His fingers walked up and down my stomach.

  “I don’t know. Do you have any brilliant ideas in that sexy brain of yours?” he said.

  “Nothing that doesn’t involve one of us getting a different job, and that’s a sacrifice I don’t think I can make. I feel like if I were to leave, or change my job that I’d end up resenting you and I can’t have that. I want us to work, and if one of us resents the other, it won’t. It would eat away and soon we’d be doing nothing but fighting.”

  “True. Okay. So is there any way to get around the no-dating policy? Is there anyone who’s done it before?”

  “Um, yes. There were two people who worked in customer service that tried to date in secret and then got found out. They had to declare their relationship and one had to switch departments. They broke up within a few months at the company Christmas party. It was ugly. People still talk about it and that was four years ago.” I did not want that to happen to us.

  “But those people aren’t you and me.”

  “True.”

  We were coming up empty.

  “Have you thought, I’m just going to throw this out here, that maybe you could tell your dad? He might have some advice and he would be able to keep it on the down low.”

  I shook my head without even considering it.

  “No, I can’t put Dad in a position like that. He’d end up lying to everyone and . . . no. I can’t. Besides, he would probably kill you. Or fire you. Or both.”

  “I’m not that scared of the firing, it’s the killing that makes me a little nervous. Okay, so that’s out.” I rolled over and flicked his nipple ring.

  “So we’re left with one option. Keeping this a secret until something changes. As soon as you get promoted, which you will, then we can go forward. But for right now we’re secret lovers.” He started humming the song and that made me laugh, but we still had the specter of keeping our relationship secret.

  “I feel like I should get that contract out again and make you sign it,” I said.

  “That was pretty funny. I’ll never forget your face when you shredded it. I think I fell a little in love with you right then. Who knew a shredder could be so sexy?”

  “Yeah, well, you concentrate really sexy. Like when you’re reading something and I can see you making calculations in your head, Ooohh baby.” I fanned myself.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to contain my affections for you, but I’ll do my best, boss.”

  “You’d better, sexcretary.”

  I set my red shoe paperweight and my WORLD’S GREATEST BOSS mug on my desk the next day and made sure they were in full view for Lucah to see them. He brought over some reports and there was a note on the top of the stack that said, nice mug. I assumed he was talking about the boss mug, but I couldn’t be absolutely
sure.

  Dad called me again and asked me to come down when I had a moment. The end of the month reports had just been posted, so I was sure that was what it was about. I got up from my desk and stopped at Lucah’s before I went to see Dad so he didn’t worry.

  “Be right back. Meeting with Dad. Don’t panic.” I gave him a wink before walking down the hall and knocking on Dad’s door.

  “Come in.”

  I walked in and he was staring at piece of paper.

  “End of the month report?” He looked up as if he just realized I was there.

  “Hm? Oh, yes.”

  “Anything bad?” He squinted and then handed it to me.

  “I’m not sure. Looks like things are back to normal. As I said, I didn’t want to mention anything unless I had a reason to. No sense stirring up trouble unnecessarily. Have you noticed anything?”

  “Just a few spikes here and there, but nothing that couldn’t be explained. It seems to fluctuate a lot, especially when we have a new launch. If you hadn’t pointed it out, I doubt I would have taken notice.”

  “Ah, well. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid. Like daughter like father. Anything else you wanted to talk about?” I had to be careful sometimes with what I said to him, because he was the president after all. That was something I’d learned very early on, that things I said to Dad weren’t always confidential when it came to the welfare of the company. It was also why I had pretty much zero friends at the office. Lucah was about the only person who sought me out to talk to me, and even then I made him leave so people didn’t get suspicious.

  One day I envisioned a time when the two of us could have lunch together and bitch about office politics, but that day wasn’t today, and probably not tomorrow either. I might have to wait a while for it.

  “No, everything else is going well, so I’m expecting a disaster any moment.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  He was busy, so I left and headed back to my desk and gave Lucah a quick smile before settling back down.

  Mrs. Andrews knocked on my door a few minutes later.