Deeper We Fall Page 17

  Katie was arguing with someone on the phone when I got back from class on Friday. I had to rush because I had work, but I wasn’t going to leave until I knew who she was talking to.

  “No, I’m not talking about this with you right now… No, I will… I will… Yeah, I love you too… Bye.” She chucked her phone onto her bed in disgust.

  “Who was that?”

  “My mom. She’s bugging me about choosing a major. No, that’s wrong. She’s bugging me about choosing the major she wants me to choose.”

  “Which is?”

  “Education. Or nursing. Something stable that I have no interest in.”

  “What are you interested in?” I knew so little about her, and it was partially my fault.

  She sat back on her mountain of pillows.

  “I don’t know. Lots of things.” She picked a thread on one of the pillows and tied it in a knot. “Nothing that my mom would think was worthwhile. Her other plan is for me to marry some guy who will take care of me.”

  What the hell? “Is it 1954?”

  “Right? She just doesn’t get it.”

  I didn’t mention the fact that Zack was headed for a lucrative career, even if he didn’t make onto a professional baseball team. He’d have his MBA to fall back on, and a stepfather that had a successful business career. I couldn’t remember in what. I just remembered seeing him in a suit at all of the games.

  “Oh crap, I’m late for work,” I said, noticing the time on her pink clock.

  She waved her hand. “It’s fine, go ahead.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. I’ll figure it out.” She shrugged, trying to brush it off.

  “If you want to talk later, I’m here.”

  She smiled and turned the television on. “Thanks.”

  ***

  “I have something to tell you,” Trish said during a dead moment at work. She made sure to speak quietly, because Claudia was on the warpath since one of the other workers had quit without two weeks’ notice so we were short-staffed before Halloween. I couldn’t pick up any more hours than I already had, but Trish had jumped at it. I wondered when that girl slept.

  “Okay.” Trish wasn’t the kind of person who held anything back. She tossed her hair back and fiddled with her scissors.

  “Seriously, what? You’re acting like you strangled someone and want to ask me if I have a storage unit you can use to hide the body,” I said.

  “I would never hide a body in a storage unit. You know, if I needed to hide one. That’s just gross. Unless you had a really good chest freezer… Never mind. This isn’t about hiding a body.”

  “What is it about?”

  She peered at me from under her orange bangs. “Zan Parker.”

  And my good luck was up. At least it had lasted an entire week.

  “And what about him?”

  “My stupid brother has decided to be friends with him, even after I told him about everything.”

  I shrugged. “So?”

  “You’re not pissed?”

  “I don’t even know your brother. It’s none of my business who he’s friends with.” Claudia stormed by, so we both shut our mouths and made our hands busy until she’d gone back into her office.

  “Now if you said he was friends with Zack Parker, then I would question his sanity,” I said when it was safe to talk again.

  “I’m not very happy about it, but Stryker doesn’t listen to anyone about anything. As long as I don’t have to be nice to him, I’m good. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

  “Seriously, it’s fine. No big.” Who was I to judge?

  “You’re awesome.” She held up her scissors and I grabbed mine and we tapped them together. It was our version of the high five.

  I checked the mail on the way back to my room later that night and found a stupid card from the school with a 15 percent off coupon for one item at the bookstore, and one more thing.

  A blue lanyard with a clip on the bottom for my key card.

  I only needed one guess to know who had put it in there, even without a note.

  For a brief second, I thought about tossing it in the trash. I didn’t want him to see me wearing it and read more into it than he should.

  Then again, did I really care what Zan Parker thought? No one else would know he’d given it to me.

  I snapped my card into the clip and put it around my neck.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Zan

  A knock on my door Saturday morning snapped me out of my reverie. I’d been listening to Bob Dylan this time and reading a cheap thriller novel.

  “Open up.” It was Zack. He pounded a few more times before I went to open the door.

  “You, football game, now.” He was grinning like he’d already had too much to drink. Katie stood next to him and looked everywhere but at me.

  “I’ll pass.”

  “I’m not taking no for an answer,” Zack said, slinging his arm around my shoulder and yanking me into the hallway. “You are boring and serious and it’s time you had some normal fun. Let’s go.”

  His arm clamped around my neck like a vise and he steered me away from my door.

  I let him.

  “You will also be pleased to know that Hottie and her posse are coming too.”

  “Charlotte is coming?”

  “Yes, so you should get drunk and finally get laid. Here.” He reached in his pocket and handed me one of those tiny bottles of alcohol you got on airplanes or in hotel rooms.

  “Drink up, dude. Liquid courage.” He was ‘courageous’ enough for the both of us. I handed him the bottle back, meeting Katie’s eyes for a split second.

  “All the more for me.” He put it back in his pocket, where it clinked against however many other bottles he had.

  We made our slow way down to the field. Mostly because Zack wasn’t all that steady. I wasn’t worried about him getting caught, because he definitely wasn’t going to be the drunkest one there. Not by a long shot.

  The only glimmer of positivity I could see in going to the game was that at least I’d get to see if Charlotte had kept my present or if she’d gotten rid of it as quick as she could.

  I made myself a little bet as we walked down. If she was wearing it, I’d talk to her. If she wasn’t, I wouldn’t.

  Or maybe I’d just suck it up and talk to her anyway.

  Lottie

  A late September cold snap caused all of us to bundle up for the game on Saturday. Will brought his backpack which had a couple of thermoses of coffee and a couple of blankets, just in case. Everyone looked like they were smoking when they breathed, and I was already wishing I’d worn an extra coat by the time we got down to the field.

  “Have you seen Katie?” I said as I scanned the line. We were meeting her and Zack. I cringed at the thought of sitting through an entire sporting event sitting near him, but at least I could keep an eye on them.

  “Not yet,” Will said, pretending he hadn’t been staring at Audrey.

  “Shit, I forgot my stupid gloves,” I said as we joined the end of the admissions line.

  “Well, you can’t go back and get them,” Will said. “There’s no way they’re going to let you get back through the line.”

  “Do you want mine?” Audrey pulled off hers, which were leather and fitted her elegant fingers as if they were made for her.

  “I knew I should have brought an extra pair. Sorry, Lot,” Simon said.

  “Thanks guys, I’m fine.” I stuck my hands in my pockets. That would have to do.

  “You can have mine.” A pair of gloves entered my line of vision, held toward me from over my shoulder.

  I turned to see Zan, Zack and Katie. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. I wasn’t the only one, as I saw Will’s eyes narrow and Simon’s smile fall. Audrey just looked them both over. This was the first time she’d seen either of the Brothers of Doom.

  “Do you want them?” He held out the gloves to me again.

  “I’m
fine. What is with everyone’s sudden concern for my hand welfare?”

  “Because I don’t want to hear you bitching about how cold your hands are for the next few hours,” Will grumbled loud enough for me to hear. Simon laughed, but I could tell it took him some effort. He and Will turned around and started talking with Audrey, and Katie pulled Zack’s attention away, so the first awkward moment of the day was broken. I knew there would be many more.

  Zan put the gloves back in his pocket.

  The line in front of us started moving a few minutes later, and we climbed the loud metal bleachers to find seats. Of course, since we were near the end of the line, we had to go all the way to the top. My butt was already cringing, thinking about sitting on the cold metal bench.

  There was a shuffle to decide who would sit next to whom, and somehow I ended up being one of the last ones in, and guess who was sitting next to me? Karma was kicking me in the ass again.

  “You don’t mind, do you?” Zan said as he slid onto the seat next to me.

  Hell yes, I minded, but the stands were filling up fast and I didn’t want to look like a heartless bitch in front of everyone. So I just shook my head and scooted over so I was as close to Audrey as possible. A sharp wind snapped at our faces, and I was already wishing the game was over.

  “Will? You wanna pass out the blankets?” Audrey had her arms around herself and Katie was rubbing her hands together.

  “What is with girls and being cold?” he said as he passed the bag down. I got out one and spread it across my lap, sharing with Audrey. The other blanket went to Will and Simon, with Katie getting a little bit of the corner.

  “I’ll keep you warm, babe,” I heard Zack say. Actually, it was more of a slurr. He was already wasted, and I wasn’t the only one who saw him pulling little nip bottles out of his pockets. At least he was on the very opposite end from me. Thankful for small mercies.

  “You want to share?” I said to Zan without looking at him.

  “I’m fine, thank you.” Zan fixed his eyes on the field as the cheerleaders got ready to welcome in the players. He was wearing a grey wool peacoat and a matching newsboy cap. If I could take away my feelings and be objective, I’d say he looked good. More than good.

  I glanced around at the other students. A group of raucous guys in front of us were already three sheets to the wind and yelling out epithets at the other team. They all guffawed as if was the funniest thing ever. One of them leaned back and banged into my knee.

  “Sorry,” he said with a burp. Classy.

  “I’ve never been much for organized sports,” Zan said.

  “Then why did you come?”

  “Because my brother showed up at my door this morning and told me I had to come. That’s the short answer.”

  “Is there a long answer?” He turned his head and looked at me full on.

  “That he told me you’d be here.”

  I stared out at the field, refusing to meet his eyes. “I don’t get you. I just don’t get you.”

  “I know.”

  “Why am I even talking to you? I hate you,” I said more to myself than to him, glad the lanyard was under my coat where he couldn’t see it.

  We were interrupted as the stands roared with the arrival of the DU Bull Moose. Of course we had to stand and cheer with everyone else, or look like traitors.

  I spent most of the first half trying to make Audrey understand the intricacies of football, with random input from Will and Simon.

  Zan was silent. Having him so close to me for such a long time was completely distracting. Our legs were just about touching, and if I leaned just a little to my left, our shoulders would have bumped. They actually did touch a few times, but I ignored it.

  I’d completely lost track of the game, but everyone was cheering, so I figured we’d scored another touchdown. I glanced at the scoreboard, and we were up by more than ten points.

  We all counted down to halftime and got on our feet to cheer again.

  “My butt is numb,” Audrey said as we stretched our backs.

  “Ditto,” I said, trying not to move too close to Zan.

  “Who wants coffee?” Simon held up the two thermoses and some paper cups. It was technically against the rules to bring in outside food, but who the hell cared when it was this cold?

  My hands were little blocks of ice and it was hard to bend my fingers.

  “You don’t talk much,” I said as I wrapped my frigid hands around one of the cups.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Why is that?”

  He thought for a moment.

  “I think most people talk too much.”

  “Like me?” I definitely had the gift of gab, as my mother said.

  He didn’t answer.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” I finished my coffee and flexed my fingers, blowing my warm coffee breath on them.

  “Here.” He grabbed both my hands and wrapped his around them. “I can’t stand to sit here the whole second half and watch your fingers get black and fall off. It’s the least I can do after you took care of me the other night.” It was one of the longest sentences I’d ever heard him utter. That, coupled with the fact that he’d grabbed both of my hands left me stunned for a moment.

  “What are you doing?” I tried to pull my hands back, but he wouldn’t let go. Damn, his hands were warm. It was like sticking them in a hot bath. It was such a change for my poor frozen hands that it almost hurt.

  “Better?” he said after a moment.

  “Maybe.” Yes. I stole a glance at the rest of my group, but no one was paying attention to me. Katie and Audrey were talking about bad gifts their previous boyfriends had given them, Zack was having words with a guy seated on his other side and Simon and Will were still going at it about the game.

  “So is this your plan? Warm my hands up so I’ll keep being nice to you and have a change of heart?” I said.

  “No. Your hands were cold, my hands are warm. I don’t have an ulterior motive other than to make your hands warm.”

  “Or maybe you’re just telling me you don’t so I’ll believe you.”

  “Or maybe you think too much.” I wanted to give him a snappy retort, but the game was starting again, so I had to get up and be a fan again. Zan let go of my hands.

  I liked football, but only when I was in a warm room with lots of snacks and a comfy seat.

  I put my hands under the blanket when I sat back down, trying to keep the heat in. I heard a little sigh from Zan’s direction as he shoved his hands under the blanket and folded mine in his again.

  We stayed that way for the rest of the game, except when we had to get up and be supportive of the team. As soon as we sat back down, his hands would be around mine again. The heat traveled up my arms and through my body, almost completely defrosting me.

  When the final buzzer sounded and DU won, 32 to 17, everyone in the stands got up and joined their voices in the school fight song and Zan let go of my hands for good. We bumbled along, since we didn’t know the words, but it didn’t really matter.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Zan

  “Your brother really likes football, doesn’t he?” I said as we left the stadium. Charlotte had stopped holding my hands as soon as the game had ended, but I could still feel them in mine. Phantom hands.

  “He wants to be an athletic director, so yeah. He loves sports.” She looked at Will as he and Simon bounded ahead, still high on the win, as if they’d had something to do with it.

  “He’s passionate,” I said, thinking back to Stryker and our talk of highs.

  “Yeah, he is,” she said. “Mom just wishes he’d be passionate about something that pays better.”

  My parents hadn’t given me any guidance on picking a major. They’d been stunned I’d even gotten into college.

  She continued to walk beside me as everyone else walked ahead of us. Zack glanced back at me and winked. Her brother also noticed and his look wasn’t as encouraging, but he was soon d
istracted by Audrey.

  “So just like we’re not talking about the rain incident, the towel incident, the you-showing-up-outside-my-door incident, we’re not talking about the hand incident.”

  I said the first thing that came to my mind.

  “That’s a lot of incidents.”

  “There wouldn’t be so many if you would just leave me alone.” True.

  “Maybe I don’t want to.” I wasn’t sure what made me say it.

  Her mouth dropped open for a second before she started walking faster to catch up with her brother. I snagged her arm to make her stop.

  “Let go of me,” she hissed.

  I let go of her arm. “I’m sorry. Again.”

  “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

  I looked down and shook my head.

  “I ask myself that every day, Charlotte.”

  “Well, when you figure out the answer, let me know.” She turned and started walking again, but she stopped after a few steps.

  “Thank you. For the lanyard. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know. You’re welcome, Charlotte.” She nodded once before she turned around and ran to her brother, jumping onto his back for a ride.

  “I saw you getting all cozy with Hottie back there,” Zack said, breathing in my face. He was a hotel’s worth of sheets to the wind.

  “Come on babe, let’s go back to your room,” Katie said, trying to support his weight. She’d wanted to go out with the rest of the group, but there was no way Zack was walking into a restaurant without getting arrested for being drunk and disorderly. He’d started singing, which meant he was going to pass out in a few minutes.

  “You need any help?” It was the first thing I’d said to her directly in a seriously long time. She still couldn’t look at me.

  “I’m fine.” She may as well have been spitting the words at me. Zack continued to belt ”Don’t Stop Believing” at the top of his lungs. Katie was holding her own, but Zack tripped and they almost went over.